Page 11 of Beautiful Deceit
Looking back, I think he must have known I wasn't my mother, no matter how how much he drank.
He was pretending. He wanted to punish me for not being what he wanted.
I stopped taking the flowers that he'd bring home everyday after work. He still left them for me. I locked my door at night, but I'd still find the red carnation on my dresser. A few times on the end of my bed. I don't think I ever slept a whole night through, after I started finding them on my bed.
The phone ringing brings me out of the past. I need to find out where the flowers came from, but right now I just want to forget they exist.
"Barron's Books and Baubles, how can I help you?" The phone call lasts long enough that I am able to calm myself, but I stay in my office most of the morning. By lunch I step out to find everybody avoiding me, for fear of me snapping at them. Jess stays stationed at her coffee cart but tracks my movements around the store.
I approach Anna at the front desk, "I'm sorry I was rude to you Anna."
She smiles and tells me all is forgiven, “Never saw a reaction like that to flowers.”
I ignore her comment, and get to what I'm truly dreading to ask, "Anna, what did you do with the card and flowers?” My words come out in a rush. I try slowing them down as I finish with, “Did you see who dropped them off?"
She looks worried when she answers, "I put them in the lounge. I didn't see who dropped them off, but Jess was here before me."
I nod and head over to Jess.
"Hey. I’m sorry about earlier. Were you here when they were dropped off?" Jess doesn't bat an eyelash at my pathetic apology
"Nope, sorry Sam. They were just laying right in front of the door, so I picked them up." She shrugs, "When Anna showed up and saw me holding them, she asked if they were mine. When I said no she grabbed them and started looking for the card. You walked up right after she found it."
I nod and walk back to the main store, heading for the lounge.
The flowers are in a leftover vase, from when Anna was dating a guytoo cheap to buy crystal. She left the vase here and never went out with him again.
The white card is suspended by a clear stick. I wasn't imagining things; my name is clearly written on it. The same name I've gone by for seven years. The thought of him knowing my new name is alarming. The possibility of him being anywhere near me is frightening. The letters are large and overly-messy, like they were drawn by a child or someone trying to disguise their writing. No florist name adorns the card, but it is rather small, maybe none would fit. I look closer and see an uneven edge, it was torn.
My gut tells me that he’s found me, but my brain is trying to rationalize the occurrence and dismiss it as a coincidence. I know I'd rather be in denial then face the chance he's here, in my new life.
I drop the contaminated vase and flowers right into the trash and empty the half full container. I take the bag out back to our shared trash receptacle, making sure I prop the door on my way out. I don't want to get locked out and stuck in the ally on top of all of what’s happening today.
As I drop the lid in place, I take a minute to try and relax. I close my eyes and breath deeply. A few breaths in, I hear the door creek open, then slam shut. My eyes snap open.
I hear a male voice mutter, "Shit." I back up slowly, not knowing who it is, and move closer to the front of the ally, but it's still a good block away.
Should I run?
I'm crouching behind a large trash bin when I hear, "Sam, you out here?"
I don't recognize the voice, so I don't answer it.
"Sam!" He sounds more urgent. "Samantha!" he shouts again.
I hear rapid footsteps coming my way.
Don't see me and just pass by, I think over and over as I crouch further behind the trash bin. The footfalls pass me. I'm able to see a large male frame, much larger than him. As the man turns around upon reaching the end of the ally, I notice a blue baseball cap in one of his hands.
"Beau?" I croak. As I say his name, his head snaps in my direction.
I stand quickly realizing I'm cowering behind a dumpster.
"Why didn't you answer?" He sounds agitated. Which makes me angry, he’s the one who scared me.
"I was scared," I yell at him.
How this man invokes the complete opposite response from me than any other is mind boggling. I was just frozen in fear of a man half his size, and now I'm yelling at an angry behemoth. The only explanation is---I am losing my mind.
