Page 84 of Blue Norther
“How is she? Do you have an update?”
“I don’t. I’m sorry. I wanted to come see how you’re doing. Your family is here… in the waiting room outside L and D.”
“I can’t see them right now. I can’t leave him.” I held the baby closer to my chest. “She was supposed to get to nurse him. That’s all she talked about. How important it was during the golden hour.”
“It is important, but it’s not the most important thing. There’s time. She’ll have that moment.”
“I can’t lose her, Birdie.” I felt my chin tremble as I tried to hold back the tears. “I just got her back. Our son just came into the world. I don’t want to have to say goodbye to her when we just said hello to him. He needs his mom. I-I…I need my wife.” The last word was nothing more than a sob.
Birdie’s hand rested on my shoulder.
“I’m going to call up for an update.” Fuck, I could hear the tears in her voice, too. “I’ll make them tell me something. Anything. Even if I have to march into the OR myself, okay?”
“Thank you. Do you w-want to see him?”
“I’ll see him once Vi is down here and has been able to enjoy his cuteness.”
I nodded. It was the most cruel situation I could think of that my wife and my son weren’t together in the first precious moments of his life. That I was left to capture what I couldfor her. My eyes drifted to my phone, propped against a box of tissues. There were only a few minutes left of storage on my phone, but I would record every last minute of this that I could for her. Maybe she’d never want to watch it. Maybe it would always be painful. But I wanted her to be able to have the memories, too, even if they were through the lens of my phone.
Birdie was gone for a few minutes. In that time, I bundled the baby back up and paced around the room with him. He was still fast asleep when she returned.
“I was able to get an update.”
God, I could read her face. “Is she okay? Is she alive?”
“She’s alive.” Birdie nodded. “Violet had something called uterine atony. It’s where the uterus doesn’t start contracting down after birth, and it can cause a large amount of blood loss in a short amount of time. Luckily, Dr. Witten caught it fast, and the steps we normally take in this kind of situation were successful. They’ve been keeping an eye on everything, but it looks like she’s stabilized beautifully.”
If my son hadn’t been in my arms I would have collapsed to the ground with relief. My head swam. Shit. I still might. “What does this mean for her recovery?”
“She’s in the ICU right now, and they’re going to monitor her closely for the next six to eight hours. If she does well, and there’s not an imminent concern with her bleeding, they’ll likely give the okay for her to come back here for postpartum care. She’ll need to stay a few extra days for monitoring.”
“Can she see the baby now? What am I supposed to do? I can’t pick who I’m with…”
“Why don’t you let me take the baby to the nursery. I can stay with him for a while so you can see Vi. I’m not sure if she’ll be awake. If she is, she might be really confused, so just try to reassure her, okay?”
“Of course.”
Birdie held out her hands to me. I pressed a kiss to my son’s head and gently placed him in her arms.
“Hello, sweet boy. I’m your Aunt Birdie. We’re not officially meeting right now. No, we’re not. Oh, you are so handsome. Okay. We’re going to have a good time getting cuddles while Daddy goes to check on Mommy. And after you’ve had time with her, then we can officially meet. How does that sound?”
Birdie understood without me even having to say it. It was crushing me that Vi wasn’t here to have time with him before other people cradled him in their arms. I slipped my shirt back on.
“Come out to the nurses’ station. I’ll have someone walk up to the ICU with you.”
Violet
Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…
Who was making that annoying noise? It needed to stop. I was drowning in the darkness, and that noise was going to be the thing that actually broke me.
No.Wait.
The beepingmeantsomething.
I was somewhere where that noise was important.
God, my body felt like lead. Well, the parts of it I could feel.
