Page 3 of Blue Norther
That admission stole my breath. There was nothing I could do except nod, because if I tried to speak, I knew my voice would break.
“Go. I know it will mean so much to her that you came today.”
I turned and headed down the aisle. My heart was thundering loudly in my ears, and I had to shove my hands into my pockets to stop them from shaking. Christ, it felt like the first time I tried to tell her I wanted to be more than friends.
“Is this seat taken?” I asked, watching her cheeks and the tip of her nose turn the most precious cherry-red color. God, out of the millions of little things I missed about her, that response to my voice was right at the top of the list.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, wiping at her nose with a tissue. Her question wasn’t harsh, or angry, but rather filled with awe. And that broke even more of my heart.
“I wanted to say goodbye to Jennie. And I wanted to be here for you, too.”
She reached over and grabbed her purse, moving it from the spot I’d asked to occupy and setting it on the other side of the bench.
“You can sit.”
I wasn’t going to be told twice. Bowing my head, I slid down next to her. Was there enough room that I didn’t need to be so close that our legs touched? Yes. Was I a bastard for wanting that contact and making sure it happened anyway? Of course.
But then she shocked me. Because my beautiful wife—fuck sayingex—held open her hand. My fingers slid along her palm, until they were intertwined with hers.
Lord, I missed her so damn much, I was fighting back tears over holding her hand. I was also probably on the fast track to Hell for how many cuss words I’d said in my head in the last five minutes in a place of reverence.
We sat just like that, silent, for what felt like an eternity.
“How are you?” she asked, finally breaking the silence.
“Miserable. You?”
Vi choked out a laugh. “Yeah. About the same.”
I turned, still holding onto her hand, but enough so I could face her. “I’m so sorry about your mom.”
“Thanks.”
“Pete told me you took care of her. That you’ve been taking care of them both.”
“Someone had to…my dad was falling apart. You obviously know they live in Arizona now, since you’re here.”
I nodded, not sure how to tell her that I’d been the one looking after her parents’ place back in Silver Springs. That I still talked to them regularly.
If she expected me to fill that information in for her, she didn’t pause long enough for me to. “Living with them again was a gift I hadn’t been expecting. I wish my mom had beat it, you know? I’m mad that she wasn’t one of the people who ever got to ring the bell, or have the party. I’m furious I only had thirty-two years with her. But I don’t think I would have had that much concentrated, truly connected time with her at the end of her life if things had worked out any other way.”
“That’s a beautiful way to look at it.”
“You know me, ever the optimist.” I knew she was joking. I knew the sarcasm was meant to protect her like thick armor.
“Who was taking care of you during all of this?” My thumb circled over the back of her hand.
Her eyebrow raised, the tissue in her free hand coming up to wipe at her nose again.
“Is that your not so subtle way of asking me…?” I watched as she struggled to get the words out.
“No, Violet. I wasn’t trying to pry.”
“There’s nothing to pry,” she whispered. “I know everything was so raw and painful two years ago, and I know you already know this, but I didn’t leave you because I wanted to love someone else. I left because I love you so much that this pain in my heart is worth it if it gives you even the smallest chance at happiness.”
“Still not ready to listen to me?”
Her head shook.
