Page 106 of Dangerously
I frown. “Even if I did know where he is, I’m not sure he’d want to see me.” I royally fucked things up with Declan. I pulled his heart right out from beneath him, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish things ended differently. But I made a decision in the heat of the moment. Was it the right one? For me? Yes. For him? No.
I try not to think about it. Or him. I mourn Declan as much as I mourn March.
I pay the price for my freedom every single day. I chose to let Declan go. To let that ship sail and relinquish him to his life. Wherever that may bring him.Whomeverthat may bring him.
“We can do this together.”His words still plague me. He was ready and willing to stay. To help me. To unite us as a family. It was too much too soon. Too overwhelming. There was too much to process. So much had just happened. March, Ronan, Liam, Nadine . . .Farrah.I just hit a wall. And he unfortunately ended up being my very last casualty.
“I don’t want you to be alone.” Farrah is getting upset.
I hold her cheeks, trying to figure out where all this is coming from.
“No more trips to the cemetery for you. You get way too emotional.”
“I’m being serious, Fallon.” She grabs my wrists.
“You’re not supposed to worry about me. It’s the other way around.”
“I don’t care about the way it’s supposed to be. You have suffered your whole life. It’s time for you to be happy.”
“I am happy, Farrah.” I’m suddenly regretting being so candid with my feelings about the past. Maybe I told her too much too fast. And I question how long she’s been carrying around this concern. “You’re not. There’s something missing. And I know it’s him.”
“You’re not supposed to be this insightful at seventeen.”
“I think I take after my mother,” she whispers.
I stand there reading her beautiful face. Quietly agreeing that she is so much like me. Strong and resolute in her convictions. A fighter. A leader. And so much a lover of life. Of adventure and of a challenge. Facing Declan would be yet another mountain to climb for me. I don’t know if I’m up for it. Or if I’d even be ready. If I could handle it if he turned his back on me.
“If I decide to find him, I’m going to need all your strength, because I don’t know how I’ll react if he rejects me. Or if he’s already moved on. Or if he just completely hates me.”
I’m putting all my money on the last one.
“You’ll have it. I promise.” Just the prospect of my agreement is turning her mood around.
The thought of Declan despising me tears me apart. I’m haunted by the way he looked at me right before the helicopter flew away. It’s was pure pain. Pure grief. Pure sorrow.
That’s going to be a monumental trial to tackle. I used to enjoy causing chaos. But I understand now what it is to hurt someone you truly love.
“You know.” I draw Farrah to me, tucking her head beneath my chin. “March is getting a real kick out of this right now. Us here, together. You trying to take care of me.”
“He told me you needed me,” she confesses. “And Declan.”
“When?”
“At the winter formal. We had a heart to heart. He told me a lot of things.”
“Of course, he did.” That’s just like March to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.
“Yup.” She rests her head snugly against me. “I miss seeing him dance.”
“He did love to dance.” I bubble with a laugh, even though the thought brings tears to my eyes. “He loved a party, period.”
“He told me he didn’t love anything more than you.”
Epilogue
Declan
Two years later
