Page 31 of Dangerously
She puts her thumb in her mouth but doesn’t make a move.
“Go on, little one. Go back to bed,” I urge again. But instead of her turning around and going back to what I presume is the bedroom, she climbs into my lap.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I tense up, the question obviously rhetorical.
She answers by curling up and making herself comfortable.
My initial reaction is to treat her like a poisonous snake.Get off, get off, get off.But I eventually have to calm down when I realize she isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I.
Aisling falls fast asleep in my lap.
Isn’t this some fucking shit? I have never portrayed myself as the kid-friendly type. So I don’t know why this one has taken a liking to me.
Hell, I didn’t even like Farrah all that much when she was a child, and she’s my sister.I’m perfectly happy with my maternal instincts lying dormant.
I stare out the window at the night sky as both Aisling and Declan breathe deeply, entranced in slumber. I doubt sleep will come for me tonight. There’s too much worry circling around my head. Hope for the best but expect the worst pretty much describes this situation. It pretty much describes my life.
I start to struggle with false hope of loosening the ropes. Aisling doesn't seem to be bothered one bit by my fidgeting. I can’t recall a time in my life that I could sleep that soundly. Not even as a child.
I resist the urge to look down at her. Instead, I glare at Declan, making a mental list of all the ways I’m going to kill him once I get out of this fucking mess.
Ugh!
4
Declan
I openmy eyes to find Aisling’s face a few feet away from mine. The latter part of last night is fuzzy, but my stiff body and swollen lip are a clear reminder of what happened early on. I push myself up to a sitting position, my head spinning a bit. My best friend, James, was a stellar wingman last night.
Raking my hands over my stubbly face, I take in the scene in front of me. Aisling passed out on Fallon's lap while she’s tied to an exposed beam. It’s as endearing as it is comical.
A bitter resentment washes over me seeing Aisling so comfortable in another woman’s arms. She’ll never know her mother. She’ll never know how kind and loving she was. Or how much she loved her. I swallow back the lump of emotion trying to escape from my throat. Sometimes I wish I could just spit it out like a ball of phlegm. Be rid of it for good, and never suffer through the pain again.
I suffer every single day. Every morning I wake up, look into Aisling’s eyes, and relive Brynn’s death all over again.
The memory of her murder will haunt me forever, and undoubtedly follow me into the grave.
I failed my daughter.
I wanted to give her everything, and instead, I ruined it all.
I stare at Fallon sleeping soundly. I watched her sleep all night once. No other woman besides Brynn had ever captivated me that way. But Fallon, she was like a bolt of lightning that struck me out of nowhere. I wasn’t prepared for her, but damn, did I become addicted to the spark of electricity fast.
I knew I should have let her leave when she tried to sneak away. I should have just pretended to be asleep, but as soon as the warmth of her body was stripped away, I couldn’t let her go. Consequences be damned.
Seems I’m a creature of habit. I want all the women I can’t have. Forbidden fruit is just too tempting, I guess.
And now here we are again.
I should be pissed she tried to kill me, but I’m not. I knew he’d send her. She’s the best at what she does, and some warped part of me couldn’t wait to see her again.
I scoot closer to Fallon, careful not to disturb Aisling. Usually, a floating leaf could wake her up. The child does not sleep for shit, in turn making Daddy an alcoholic.
The past months have not been easy. I was Aisling's father from afar. I never changed her, or fed, or really interacted with her, and then suddenly I was all she had. I was the one responsible for keeping her safe and alive. It’s been a test every single day. Every day I learn something new about her, and myself. Parenthood is the pits sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade one moment of hell for all the precious moments in heaven.
Bringing my face closer to Fallon’s, I become reacquainted with all her unique little features. The few dots of freckles on her perfectly straight nose, the unique copper color of her hair, her long, strawberry-blondeeyelashes, and the little scar that’s above her eyebrow.
Then I lean in, knowing full well what to expect when she wakes, but I don’t care. I’m not trying to be a scumbag or a perv. I just know my chances in life are limited, so I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity. It’s an I’m-sorry kiss. An I'm-still-in-love-with-you kiss. A goodbye kiss.
