Page 12 of Ache
“Are we done here?” I clear my throat, feeling very exposed from the way he’s ingesting me with his eyes.
Don’t look at me like that. You lost that right. A long time ago.
“For now.” His fingertip brushes against my sensitive skin for a fraction of a second, and the world heats up. It’s suddenly the tropics in my tiny city apartment, warm and humid and on the brink of a hurricane.
5
Tage
Everly fucking hates me.
Hate? No, that word isn’t fractionally strong enough. Loathes, despises, detests would describe her feelings much more accurately. She has every right to feel the way she does. What I did to her was wrong. I made a promise, and although I kept it on a certain level, it came nowhere near to the expectation she had. Not even close.
And I pay a hefty price for that deception every damn day.
Every damn time I look into those broken green eyes.Idid that. But it was for her own good. At least, that’s what I told myself all those years ago.She’s better off without me. It’s what I’ve continually told myself until this very day, until this very minute, but even as I try to convince myself now, I’m second-guessing my decision. Maybe even regretting it.
Everly Paige has turned into the woman I saw inside her eight long years ago. When I seduced an innocent teenager, who beguiled me before I even realized it. She beguiles me just as much now as an adult. Maybe even more so.
I’ve fought my feelings for so long, and for what? What was I protecting her from back then? Me? The world? Her past? The truth? What am I protecting her from now?
I thought she could have a better life without me, but was that selfless decision made in vain? Was it really selfless at all? Was it more selfish? Was my career more important than the girl I loved? Is it still now? Have I bettered myself over the last eight years or just matured into the dickhead I was always destined to be? I wanted more for Everly.
More than me.
But now, I wonder if I’m enough. If she could truly love the man I am and not the figment from the past.
I’ve done a number of courageous things. Put myself in the line of fire, faced some of the most evil people on Earth, committed despicable acts all in the name of justice. But confronting the feelings I’ve been harboring inside me for eight years feels like laying on top of an atomic bomb.
What if I’m not enough?
What if I’m not worthy enough?
Everly deserves every star in the galaxy. Her past is riddled with pain. And for a short time, I eased that pain. But for the last eight years, I was just another cause.
I bang my head lightly on her closed front door. I want to rush back inside and declare my wants, my needs. I want to be the man I once was with her. A rebel. Uninhibited. Her everything.
I sigh heavily, my chest tightening from stress. One day. One day very soon, Everly Paige will once again be mine.
6
Everly
Do you ever feel like your life is just a set of revolving doors? In, around, and out, day after day. Time seems to bleed together, and you find yourself in the exact same place over and over wondering exactly how you got there? That has felt like my existence for as long as I can remember. If it’s not one series of events, it’s another. I order the same exact thing from Perks — the coffee shop right next door to my office building — as I do every morning. A caramel macchiato with extra foam. My hair is in braids, my glasses are resting on the brim of my nose, and my outfit is business casual conservative, just like it is every other day. Even after the semi-crazy weekend, this is who I defer back to. The invisible girl blending into the background. And as much as I try to figure out a way to break out of the redundant pattern, to set my soul free, and let me personality shine, I falter every single time. I equate it to learning how to walk blindfolded in stiletto heels down the side of a mountain. Falling is inevitable. But how many times do I pick myself up and try again is the burning question.
It’s exhausting, fighting to become the person you want to be. The person you can envision even when the reality is so far out of reach.
One day, I tell myself, as I contently sip on my piping hot coffee and slip into the empty elevator. I lower my eyelids as the warm, creamy taste of heaven kindles in my chest, chasing away the worry for a millisecond.
It’s amazing how something so small can bring you so much comfort.
I’m snapped out of my momentary peace when someone else enters the elevator, the lift shaking slightly as he steps authoritatively inside.
“This one’s full.” He hits the close button haughtily, guarding the opening like the entrance to Fort Knox.
“Full?” I scan the medium-sized box. It’s just me andhim.I knew who it was the moment he spoke.Alec-fucking-Prescott.Yay.So much for my momentary peace.
The double doors slide closed and all the air in the elevator is sucked out like a vacuum.
