Page 10 of Ache
Ideservemore.
Sometimes you don't think you’re worthy, and then one day you wake up and realize you are. And that tiny bit of empowerment can spark a change. My spark is small, but I’m working like hell to start a fire.
Am I scared? Yes. Terrified, actually. But fear has crippled me long enough. My desire has grown stronger than my dread.
And I want what Lara has. Starry eyes and butterflies and happiness. I want happiness. Real, tried-and-true happiness. Nothing sugar-coated. No complications or smoke and mirrors, just something genuine. Something simple. Someone to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve, to open presents with on Christmas morning. Someone to turn to in good times and bad. Someone I don’t have to miss.
Someone — something — tangible. Touchable.
Real.
I want real.
I down my champagne before grabbing another glass from one of the silver trays being serviced around the room. I stand next to Lara quietly as she eye-fucks Luke for a good portion of the night. By my third glass of champagne, I’m antsy. There is a cluster of people I don’t know around me, and Lara is gravitating toward Luke as his coworker clan slowly dissipates. Soon, he’s alone, and Lara is headed straight for him. Their attraction is so blatant you could see it from Mars. As much as I adore Lara, I want no part of their little romance. Their affair is detrimental to all involved. And I’d like to avoid losing my job on account of being guilty by association.
As Lara makes her way to one side of the white marble fireplace dominating the living room, I make a beeline in the opposite direction for the balcony. I’m dying for some fresh air and a few collective minutes alone.
3
Alec
Iinhale a long, hard pull from my vape pen, holding the sweet tasting weed vapor in my lungs before releasing a large cloud of smoke. I watch the grey tendrils dance in front of my face before rising above my head and dissipating into the blackened night sky.
Fucking placidity. For a fraction of a second, my mind is calm. It’s slow, and unruffled, and undisturbed. I inhale again, the lights of Upper Manhattan twinkling for miles right before my eyes.
All the high with none of the judgement or repercussion. Just a pleasantly innocent aroma of fresh-baked cookies wafting through the atmosphere.
I zone out, leaning on the balcony as my mind takes a hiatus. I don’t have long, a few precious minutes to myself before it’s back to the grind, rubbing elbows with senior partners and hobnobbing with high-profile clients. Pretentious is an understatement, but it’s a crucial part of the job.
I exhale another large cloud of smoke, and as it clears around me, the figure of a woman materializes in my peripheral vision. The sharp curves of her silhouette catch my attention, and as I slowly turn my head, so much more seizes my mind. Her big, green eyes capture me. The look in them dreamy, as if she just woke up, yet so vigil they penetrate right through me. A strange silence surrounds her, like it’s haunting her. Haunting us both. I forget to breathe, and when my lungs recognize the thinning oxygen, I inhale. I inhaleher. I breathe her right in and feel her everywhere. Her essence assaults me like a hallucinogen, rushing through my bloodstream, affecting me like a drug. A drug so much stronger than anything I have ever experienced. And I’ve experienced the spectrum. I know what a high is, and this is something on a completely different level. No words are exchanged, no verbal interaction, just a moment shared between two people caught in a time lapse. She seems familiar, but I can’t put my finger on how I know her.IfI know her. I must. There’s an intimate air about her. But a woman as stunning as her I would surely remember. The brief time in her presence has been burned into my soul. I absorb her, my psyche floating over every inch of her body, consuming her curves, memorizing the features of her face, the pattern of her freckles lightly splattered on her cheeks and over her nose, the movement in the waves of her long, brown hair, and the gold flecks glinting like shards of glass in her sharp, emerald eyes.
There’s four feet of space between us, and I want there to be none. I want to be closer. The attraction building is a raging firestorm, and the only thing that will calm the flames is her hands on me. Her hands all over me, and mine all over her. Something throbs inside me as I take one slow step closer. I can’t stop myself. It’s compulsive, the need to be nearer to her.
The environment enhances around us as I take yet another step. The building lights are twinkling a little bit brighter, the night sky is circling like in a Van Gogh, and the smell of her skin is as potent as a prize-winning rose conservatory. It’s a wild dreamscape encased in stale reality.
Her swift intake of oxygen is as clear and concise as an axe swinging through the air. And all I want is to steal her breath away to keep it for myself.
Her rosy lips part just as I come into reaching distance, and that’s when I realize . . .
“Ever!” A shrill voice cuts through the haze. “I’ve been looking for you.” Lara stops short when she finds Everly with me. Not that we’re technically together. We’re technically nothing, just two acquaintances standing way too close.
“Um . . .” Everly fucking Paige bats her long eyelashes at me before giving her friend her full attention. When did the bland secretary become the fiery siren? “I was just getting some air.” Her soft voice sends multiple kinds of chills down my spine.
“Well, come on.” Lara snatches her hand, yanking her close, and whispers something in her ear. Her smile is way too devilish.
Everly’s eyes widen. She bites her lip as Lara drags her away. I want to reach out and grab her. Roar possessively at Lara to leave her with me. But I don’t. I keep composed, clinging on to the last moments of my out-of-body experience.
Everly throws me a strange look over her shoulder just before she disappears inside. I understand the expression. I don’t know what the fuck that was either, siren. But I liked it. And I want more. So much fucking more.
Of all the women in all the world — Everly fucking Paige, the girl who’s plain Jane, Blah Betty, and totally off limits is my original fucking high.
And as I breathe in another lungful of vapor, I’m left with only one question that matters . . . how the fuck do I get her alone again?
4
Everly
Istick my key in the lock right before dawn. Lara kept me out all freakin’ night, clubbing with her and Luke and a few other errant employees who like to break the rules. Luckily, Alec was nowhere to be found. I shiver as I turn the key, reliving that oddball encounter on the balcony of the firm’s loft. The way he was looking at me. With those wild, piercing blue eyes. It’s like he’d never seen a woman before.
