Page 116 of Moto
That gets Dev’s attention. He looks up at me and actually pouts. “That’s my job.”
Technically, no, but Dev has been part of Cici’s life from the very beginning. He was even in the freakin’ delivery room. They share a bond no one can deny, and although it was incredibly painful to watch him hold her in the beginning, I couldn’t take that happiness away from him. Do you have any idea what it feels like to mourn a man and still see his face every single day? To watch his twin hold his child, and wish beyond any and all wishes it was him?
To still love that same brother as much now as you did before? Even after everything. Entangled emotions like that can warp a person. They warped me.
So I stepped back and closed myself off, allowing the love between Cici and Dev to grow while mine stayed fossilized in place.
“You want to switch?” I offer a trade, the kid for the bike.
“Yes.” Dev bounds to his feet, taking the little dark-haired beauty without hesitation.
Cici squeals with excitement. He spoils her, and she knows she has a long playtime in the tub coming.
“Godspeed,” I bless him as he walks off with her.
“Same to you.” He tosses her in the air as he disappears up the stairs, her screams of enthusiasm echoing through the house. I drop to my knees, ready to tackle the cycle of death. It should be less stressful than bath time.
“Want some help?” Sam offers, kneeling next to me.
“Where were you?” I ask, reading over the directions.
“Pulling the rest of the tape off the ceiling.” She holds up a wad.
“Did we use that much?”
“Apparently.”
“Whoops.” I giggle.
“Yeah, whoops.” She tosses it at me. “Do you want some help or not?”
“Nah, I’m good. I know you have more exciting places to be.” I bump her shoulder with mine.
She stifles an embarrassed smile. Sam has a boyfriend. First one in ages. Big, husky, state trooper. Mega manly and hot.And younger.She’s a total cougar.
“No place is more exciting than here with you and my niece.”
“Yeah, right!” I scoff. “I have eyes. I have seen Barron. And the way you two look at each other. Fire alarms go off.”
“Sort of like the same way you and Dev look at each other?”
I pause all movement, wishing she didn’t go there.
“Dev and I have a history. But we’re friends now,” I inform her sullenly. “Besides, he has a girlfriend.” Some wench named Eileen. Total biker bunny trash not even worth the dirt on his tires.
“Honey, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He has a girl to keep his bed warm. That man is waiting for you.”
“No, he’s not,” I disagree, my heart squeezing.
“Yes, he is. You can lie to yourself all you want. He’s wanted you from the very beginning.Onlyyou, despite what transpired with Reese.”
“He hurt me.” It’s a lame excuse.
“You know what I think?Hewas hurting. I told you what the three of you were involved in was risky. I wish I was wrong. I cared about Reese, too, but don’t deny yourself love just because of what happened in the past. Look at what’s happening in the present.”
I hate that she’s right. Dev devotes all his free time to Cici and me. He’d rather be with us than anyone else. And as much as I try to ignore it, to tell myself the friend zone is enough, we both know it’s not. Because when we’re alone, the electricity is there. It never disappeared, even when Reese was alive. I always said I would love them both for the rest of my life, and it wasn’t a lie. I just don’t know how to cross back over that threshold. I have Cici to think about now, and how much she loves the man who bathes her and plays with her and spoils her rotten. Who reads Winnie the Pooh to her whenever she asks, which is all the damn time. I would never want to jeopardize what they have. But I don’t want to miss my window of opportunity, either. And it’s closing fast. I see it every day. He moves a little farther away from me and closer to the woman who warms his bed.
Love two men. Marry one, but spend your life with the other. How twisted can one relationship possibly be? Ours turned into a labyrinth of emotion I’m still trying to navigate.
