Page 46 of Lies That Blemish
All those families. Remembrance Day. The war on Imbria. The lengths to which my father went to, for what? Double the ember and some extra land. It wasn’t worth the cost of even one life.
I was flitting in and out from rage to sorrow. When I reached Liana, she nuzzled me, and I stroked her neck.
‘I can’t believe it. I’m in shock,’was all I said as I hopped up onto her back and settled into the saddle.
‘I can,’she stated brutally and kicked off the ground.
That hurt. The fact that she knew my father was capable of something like this and I was too brainwashed to have even considered it made me feel raw.
‘I’m sorry,’she amended.‘If you could see energy like I do, you would understand.’
‘And Kohen’s energy is good?’
‘Yes,’she stated simply.
‘And my father’s was bad?’
‘Yes. But nothing near as evil as Maxim’s.’
That sent a chill up my spine. I felt like my entire life that I’d lived with a monster, and everyone saw it but me.
We flew in silence for a long time; me, stuck in my thoughts. I replayed every time my father gave a speech on Remembrance Day to the victims’ families. How he used the attack that hecreated to control our people and take more land that wasn’t his. I cried. I nearly threw up. I screamed. All the while, Liana just flew in quiet companionship.
I thought of all the times Kohen tried to convince me of the truth, from day one in the Wilds when I’d said those awful things about his father. Even Anika knew. All the times Kohen had said he would protect me no matter what. That he would even lie to protect me.
He’d done exactly that. Deep shame washed over me as we flew over Imbria. The fires had mostly been put out since we had called a temporary peace, but the damage was done. Trees and villages burned. For what?
A lie.
A lie that burned its way through an entire country.
I could never fix this.Thiswas unforgivable.
‘We’re close,’Liana told me.
‘I don’t know if I can face him,’I told her, wondering if we should turn back. This was too big a thing to apologize for. Kohen and I felt like we were on opposite sides of a deep cavern. What would I even say to him?
I’m sorry my dad pinned the murder of thousands of people on your father and killed him and then took over your country and enslaved your brothers into poverty. Meanwhile, I defended him the entire time, and then he tried to kill me, and you took care of the problem, and I burned your country for it.
No. No. I couldn’t.
‘Liana, turn back.’Tears fell down my cheeks as the wind whipped past and carried them away.
‘We’re here, little one. I think this will help you heal. To see him.’
No, this would gut me. But maybe I needed that. Maybe I should let Kohen ream me out for everything and get it off his chest. It would make him feel better. That, I could give him. Thatwas the only thing I could give him. A humble apology. A,‘you were right’.
Liana landed over a small half-burned village, still smoking from the recently-put-out fires.
Kohen was there, leaning up against a brick wall, speaking to an older man in a ceremonial dress. A priest? Probably there to bury the dead that I burned.
When Liana landed, the priest nodded to Kohen and then left down a dark alley.
I swallowed hard, no longer caring if this was a trap. If Kohen had lured me here to ambush me and kill me.
I felt like I could barely breathe under the shame of this guilt I carried. Without meeting his gaze, I slipped off Liana, head down as I wiped my cheeks and walked over to him. When his shoes came into view, I dropped to my knees before him, head bowed, tears falling from my cheeks onto his dusty black boots.
“You were right,” I managed to croak out. “Your father didn’t cause the Great Blackout. Mine did. I know what I’ve done is unforgivable, but I want you to know I will live with the mistake of giving my father blind loyalty for the rest of my life. I’m sorry.”
