Page 27 of Lies That Bind
I peered up into his eyes, trying to ferret out anything there that might show me that he wasn’t serious. But all I saw were layers of pain mixed with passion. I tried to remind myself that he’d just buried his best friend today, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I loved his touch.
“If you’re just looking to have sex, look elsewhere,” I said boldly, my wound from Jace reopening at that moment.
He frowned, removing his hands from my belly. “Aisling, I’m in love with you. I would never?—”
I gasped at the words, at how easily he said them.Again. “You don’t love me,” I told him incredulously. “You love some future version of me you’ve seen in your visions.” I needed to fight this to get him to stop saying it.
He seemed to think about that for a minute. “Maybe. But I also lovethisversion. The one that tries to push me away, the one who is so loyal to her best friend she partnered with her father’s sworn enemy to keep her alive in the Wilds. The one who loves her sisters and almost slit my throat when she thought I had snuck into her house and harmed them. I lovethisversion of you, too, Aisling,andall the others I’ve seen in the future.”
His declaration tore my heart wide open. I’d loved Jace. I’d loved him with my whole heart, and he’d betrayed me. He cut me so deeply I was scared to ever love someone like that again. It was safer not to. I had to look out for myself now. But it was hard to deny Kohen. He was everything I never knew I needed.
Kohen’s fingers stroked my neck. “I know you’ve been hurt.” He grasped the bottom of my chin and pulled my lips to hover near his. “I only want what you’re willing to give. And if you take it away at any moment, that’s okay, too. I want you on your terms, Aisling.”
It was the sexiest thing a man had ever said to me. Wanting me on my terms. Giving me permission to give whatever I had and also to take it away if I felt done. It was what I needed.
I whimpered, nodding, and pressed my lips to his, knowing that in my secret place, deep inside of myself that I shared with no one, I loved him too. But I’d never tell him. It would be cleaner that way when I cut things off to marry whoever Elaine and my advisors thought I should.
‘We’re getting close.’Liana broke my trance, and I pulled away from Kohen, panting.
Onyx hovered below us this time, and Kohen met my fiery gaze with one of his own, a half-cocked grin on his face. “I’m starting to see my gift as a blessing. I get to have you in my visions and then again in real life when the vision finally plays out.” He planted one more soft, warm kiss on my lips. “Lucky me, to be able to have you twice.”
My heart squeezed at that. Did that mean he’d had a vision about this right here? Before I could ask, he dropped down onto Onyx’s back and flew ahead to Sky Reach.
I was equally excited and scared at the prospect of a secret relationship with him.
Liana cut into my thoughts:‘Be careful there, Aisling. You’re empress now, and a lot of people will have an opinion on who you want to be with.’
‘Oh yeah, and how do you know that?’I asked her playfully.She wasn’t wrong, but what did a creature of the Wilds know of such things?
She was quiet for a moment, and I sensed that I’d struck a chord with her.
‘Remember I told you of my grandmother? That you two share the same gift?’
I tried not to think ofthatgift. Or curse. However you wanted to put it. The ability to control another’s will felt too dangerous a power to have. Which is why if anyone ever found out, I’d be quickly and quietly killed.
I did remember when Liana told me about her grandmother. Thinking about her life from a time way back before she found herself here was too wild for my brain to ruminate on since it was thousands of years ago.
She was ancient.
‘My grandmother was the empress of our people, and her council tried to control who she mated with. It didn’t end well for any of them.’
My stomach dropped at that admission.‘Your grandmother, the one with the thrall, was an empress?’
‘We call our leader Tsarina, but yes. She was… maybe still is. I don’t know.’
I frowned at that.‘That would make you… like a princess, or heir, or something?’
I could sense her smile beneath me.‘It would. We are similar in that. Except you are empress now and no longer an heir.’
This revelation was mind-blowing. The entire time I’d been with Liana, she never told me she was the empress’ daughter, just like me! Sky Reach came into view, and I almost wanted to tell Liana to turn back for a bit and fly circles above the forest. I wanted to know more about her life. She never spoke of the past. I assumed it was too painful, so I never asked.
‘If firebirds live forever, that means your grandmother could still be the leader, right? Or maybe it’s your mother now, the Tsarina.’I tried the word out; the “t” was silent.
She was quiet so long I thought I had offended her and she wasn’t going to answer me.
‘My mother died during the Great Fall. Best not to think of these things now. They were a very, very long time ago. As you get older, you will learn not to dwell on the past, Aisling. Living forever is painful that way.’
I wanted to know what the Great Fall was and more about her mother, like how could she die if female firebirds were immortal? But I knew then that it was too painful, so I said nothing more. Sometimes, when I probed my bond with Liana to sense where she was or how she was feeling, if I went a little too deeply, there was a dark cavern of sorrow there. She was hiding something from me, something horrific that she didn’t want to remember or think back on. I respected that, and I didn’t push.
