Page 9 of Lies That Bind
He bristled, going stiff. “What?” He sounded hurt.
I swallowed hard. “Would you ever lie to me?” I wanted him to answer.
He seemed to consider my question and nodded. “If it meant keeping you from harm, I would.” He stood taller at that, and I was taken aback by his raw admission. “What’s this about?”
I felt my shoulders drop. I didn’t want to know the answer to the next question. “You saw that someone I loved died. You said you didn’t know who it was, only that I was sobbing over them. Is that true that you didn’t know who it would be?”
His face flushed, and he swallowed hard. I knew from just looking at him that it was a lie. Whatever grief he’d chased away with that kiss was back in full force. “Youknewmy father was going to die!” I shouted into his face. “And you didn’t tell me! I could have kept him hidden away, or I could have stopped the killer!”
He reached for me, but I backed away from him, slipping to the side, trying to calm the storm of emotions that had risen within me.
“Aisling, listen to me.” His voice was steady. “I’ve said this before, buteverythingI do is to protect you.” His eyes swam with emotion. “And not telling you that your father was going to diewasprotecting you.”
What the hell did that mean? Would I have been emotionally impacted more by my father’s death if I had known beforehand? Maybe if he told me and I wasn’t able to stop it, I would be. It might have broken me to know I couldn’t protect my father.
“I don’t need your protection!” I screamed at him as fat, hot tears rolled down my face. He pulled me into his arms, and I let him crush me against his chest. “Yes you do. Trust me, you do,” he breathed against my hair.
I let it all out then. In the safety of his arms, I broke down. It had been drilled into me my entire life that I had to be strong, tonot show emotion. Emotions were weak. Love was weak.Iwas weak.
But maybe it was okay to be weak just this once, to allow myself to grieve the loss of the only parent I had…just this once. The sob shook my chest as I wept into his neck, and he stroked circles on my back, holding me with a strength that made me feel safer than I ever had in my entire life.
It felt like our fates fused together in this moment. Being this emotionally raw and vulnerable with someone… it bound you in a way, whether you wanted it to or not. Already, I was dreaming up ways to keep him, even if just in secret.
When I was all cried out, and it felt like the river had run dry, I pulled away and wiped at my eyes. Taking in a deep, calming breath, I shored the walls around my emotions up again and stiffened my posture.
I was the empress of all of Amersea. I couldn’t break down like that ever again.
“There’s something I have to ask you,” I told him, changing the subject.
He nodded. “I will fly with you to blow up the Luskin Red Palace.”
I gasped. “Liana told Onyx?”
He grinned and tapped his head. “I saw it.”
A thrill went through me. “You saw us do it in a vision? Were we successful?”
“I thought you didn’t want to know the future?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Kohen,” I warned. “I’m your empress now. Tell me if we are successful.”
He gave me a playful smile. “Yes, Empress. We blow that building sky high. Now, whether we make it home safely or not, I haven’t seen,” he said, but there was something in his face that told me there was more to the story.
“And what else aren’t you telling me?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Kohen, I know you by now. You have a look. Why?”
Kohen just watched me with curiosity. “It’s just that… today, you didn’t fly over Imbria,” he said, and I frowned.
“What? Why would I?”
He looked like I’d just shot him in the chest with an arrow. “I thought that now that Imbria was a part of Amersea and you were empress, you might fly over it to show the people you stood for them, too.”
His words caused cracks to form in the walls I’d just erected. They tore a hole into my heart.
Why hadn’t I flown over Imbria?Even the border? Were the people there even aware of what had happened to my father? Did they care? Did they even want me to fly over? I was basically their empress by force. Or at least that’s what I’d been told.
