Page 65 of (Not) The One
‘Well, a lot of the guys liked Melody.’
‘Because she has big tits.’ She nods sagely. ‘Men. So predictable.’
Thankfully, Jorge has gone for lunch, so there are no gender/harassment/petty for pettiness sakes flames to douse.
‘And Prudence seems to have had a few admirers, too.’
‘Which one was that?’
‘You’re asking me? I can barely remember being there. Was she short?’ Something snags at my memory.
‘Oh, she was the chick with the squeaky voice. Her name is a total misnomer, by the way.’
‘Fancy words, Heth.’
‘I’ve got an A star in English language at A level,’ she retorts, mentioning her recent exam results as she blows on her fingernails before pretending to polish them on her T-shirt. ‘And she wassonot a Prudence.’
‘I didn’t realise names have to suit people these days.’ I laugh a little, pushing the cards into neater piles. ‘I think I’ll go and grab a sandwich from the bakery for lunch.’ And by that, I mean pop into the pharmacy. Maybe. Or maybe I should wait until I’m on my way home? Either way, the thought of leaving my desk in a mess gives me the heebie-jeebies. A place for everything and everything in its place. It’s the little things that make me content. And it’s only the little things in life right now that I have control over.
Babies are little, my mind whispers.
Ignore!
‘I’m just saying you shouldn’t find a nun named Candi or a sex worker called Prudence.’
‘And she’s a sex worker?’
‘No, a teacher or something. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a sex worker.’
‘Agreed.’
‘In fact, I think this government has failed in their duty to these women.’
‘Prudence?’ I say, hopefully pushing her from her soapbox before she has the chance to climb up there to begin pontificating.
‘Oh, right. The point is, the way she was hanging around theLust Islandguys was anything but prudent. She was the one who started the whole “oh, I don’t have any paper to get your autograph” and before I could reach for my notebook, she’d whipped down the neck of her dress, practically to her navel.’
‘Oh, so she started the sign my tits thing?’
‘From the skin she was flashing, they could’ve signed her v—’
‘Okay, I get the picture.’
‘I know boss babe is all about the “authentic match” and not the “hookup”,’ she says, making air quotes, ‘but you can’t control that sort of stuff. I bet a heap of them woke on Saturday morning in a stranger’s bed.’
I’m saying nothing. I’m also willing myself not to turn red, not that Heather seems to notice.
‘Honestly, if romance isn’t dead, I think someone should sign its DNR order.’
‘So cynical.’
‘I’m a realist. I’m not saying I don’t believe in love. I just don’t think you can force it.’
‘Speed dating was just supposed to be a little fun. Some publicity for the brand. We weren’t expecting hearts and flowers and declarations of undying commitment.’
‘Personally, I was expecting a little decorum.’
‘I have nothing to add on that note.’ Because people who live in glass houses definitely shouldn’t throw stones. Or go home knickerless.
