Page 88 of Rafferty's Rules
‘Me, too,’ adds Edie, his sister, though as she frowns, I guess she hasn’t mastered the art quite yet. ‘What did she say?’ she whispers to her brother. In return, he just shakes his superior little head.
‘How was your drive?’ Amber asks, directing the topic of conversation away from the topic of her parents' sex lives. And that of her mother-in-law.
‘Pretty good,’ Rafferty answers, raising his glass to his lips. ‘We used it as a learning experience, didn’t we, darl?’
I only hope my complexion isn’t as vivid as Amber’s just was, especially as I murmur for his ears only, ‘Not sure I was the one getting schooled.’
‘I don’t want to hear,’ Roman grumbles. ‘Seeing was bad enough.’
‘Oh, no. That didn’t happen, did it?’ Chas sort of giggles, covering her mouth with her hand.
‘What are you looking all girly and horrified about?’ he retorts. ‘You spend your days filming porn!’
‘Corn!’ Amber barks out, as Chas barks out a laugh.
‘I thought we weren’t going to tell Lissa that yet!’ she chortles, hiding her amusement behind her son.
‘Far out.’ Elbows on the countertop, Rafferty holds his head in his hands.
‘Don’t you like corn, Uncle Tee?’ Edie asks, reaching over to rub his back as though to comfort him. ‘Aunty Chas takes pictures of other veggies, too.’
‘Totally,’ Roman replies, whip-sharp. ‘I’ve seen all manner of cucumbers, marrows, and hugely engorged eggplants in her stuff.’
‘Are you penis shaming my wife again?’
All heads turn to the voice, a tall, dark headed man, with what I’m guessing is a perma-smirk, steps in through a door on the other side of the kitchen, followed by an even taller man. As the second man turns from closing the door behind him, I’m blown away by the contrast between the pair. One dark, one fair. One tanned skin, one covered in swirls of striking, colourful ink.
‘Daddy!’ Edie jumps down from her stool, dashing in the direction of the men, throwing herself at the tattooed version of Rafferty’s brother.Byron, I guess.
‘I’ve gotta penis,’ Matty interjects at the same moment, almost levitating from the chair as he holds up his hand. ‘So has Dad, but his ishuuuge!’
Hand still in the air, Matty raises his other to indicate justhowhuge.Like the fisherman describing the one that got away.And let me tell you, if it is that big, I’m pleased I’ll be nowhere near it.
‘It’s like an elephant’s trunk,’ the little boy adds, lapping up the adult’s attentions as the arresting pair cross the kitchen.
‘You forgot to tell them how the elephant’s trunk is holding an apple.’ Unphased, he deposits Edie into her vacated stool, then ruffles his son’s hair. ‘I’ll deposit payment in your piggy bank.’ He winks and the pair hi-five before he moves to Amber, pressing a tender kiss to her cheek. Meanwhile, Flynn has taken baby from Chas and is blowing bubbles on his bare tummy.
Children acknowledged and entertained, partners greeted, and parent greeted, attention turns to us.
‘Good to see you, buddy.’ Flynn holds out his hand which Rafferty grudgingly shakes.
‘I only saw you last week, fuc-fluff face,’ he manages, saving the children’s ears. Flynn lives in London, and I recall Rafferty mentioning that he’d been shadowing him.
‘Come on then,’ his brother adds, holding out his hand to me this time. ‘Let’s be having you, as the policeman said to the perp.’ As my hand meets his, he pulls me from my stool, enveloping me in a friendly hug.
‘English humour,’ his wife offers in explanation.
‘There’s no such thing,’ he responds over my shoulder. As we part, he sends me a cheeky wink along with the words, ‘Good job I’ve already got a wife, or I might steal you away from him.’
‘You could try,’ Rafferty responds. ‘She’s got more sense.’
This is a kitchen that is home to a lot of laughter, not least of it today. As I slide back onto my stool, I’m startled by the sudden presence of the eldest of the brood, my butt barely touching the seat when I’m up again.
‘Nice to meet you, Lissa. Welcome to Riposo.’
‘And you—to all of you.’ Lawd, I sound like a squeaky cartoon mouse.
‘Tee.’ Byron’s expression softens as Rafferty rises, and the pair embrace. The strange thing is, I couldn’t name Rafferty’s expression even if I took a photograph and studied it really hard for a while. There’s backslapping and greetings, along with good-hearted ribbing before the pair break apart.
