Page 44 of Rafferty's Rules
Awesome! I can cycle back to The Rocks and save my sore blistering feet! All I need to do isswipe my credit card...
Damn.
‘You look like you’ve lost a pound and found a penny.’ I look up into the face of the pretty barista and try a smile.
‘I look like I’ve lost a what?’ Did he say something about my weight? I know Aussies are pretty forward, but that’s overstepping the mark by about a mile.
‘It’s just a saying,’ he replies, waving away the consequence of it with his hand. ‘An old one of my grandma’s. I’m not quite sure where I unearthed it from. It’s just, as I was walking over, your expression went from happy to not so much almost immediately.’
‘Oh, I was just thinking,’ I answer, staring down at my phone.
‘That’s a dangerous pastime.’ He looks behind him to the counter, then back at me. ‘Budge up, I’ll keep you company until the next delight walks in. Charlie,’ he says, holding out his hand.
Oh, well. I guess I’ve got a little company.Whether I want it or not.
‘Lissa. So what’s this?’ I ask, pointing at my drink.
‘Can’t you tell?’ He nods at the latte glass. ‘Go on, have a whiff.’
‘A... smell?’ I lean over the glass as he nods, inhaling the fragrant scent of tea before I burst out laughing. And I’m not laughing at how it smells, but rather at the creamy, foamy image. ‘Is this a come on?’
‘Girl, no!’ He brings rather delicate fingers to his chest, his face now quite pink under the shock of his somewhat dirty looking bleached blond hair. ‘I’m all about the cock,’ he says before cryptically adding, ‘mostly,’ and pointing at the coffee art. ‘Can’t you tell?’
‘My gaydar must be broken,’ I reply, still staring at the foamy phallus floating at the top of my glass. ‘So, what is it?’
‘Your anatomy knowledge isn’t too hot, is it?’
‘Not the—’ I’m about to saypenisand find myself laughing at the absurdity again. ‘The drink—what is it?’ I say through the giggles.
‘It’s a dirty chia latte.’
‘Of course, it is. It has a penis floating on the top.’
‘Oh, you poor, sweet, naïve creature. It’s not a penis, it’s acock.’ There’s something quite proper about the way he enunciates the word that makes me think he’s not Australian. A Brit, maybe? ‘Can’t you tell the difference?’ he asks before turning back to speak to the other server, whose current job seems to be rattling cups and glasses behind the counter. ‘Aw, isn’t she sweet, Lou?’
‘Not for much longer if she hangs out with you. Watch him,’ she warns boldly. ‘He’ll get you to meet him for happy hour somewhere in Kings Cross, and the next thing you know, you’ll be waking up with your nipples pierced and a hangover from hell.’
‘We already did that,’ he says, waving her warning away. ‘I’m all about the new ways to corrupt.’ As he stands, he pats my shoulder. ‘Be back in a tick.’
I take a mouthful of my drink to discover the dirty component is coffee. Chai and coffee.
‘And that’s soya milk,’ he calls as he reaches the counter. ‘On account of you being vegan.’ Oh, the T-shirt strikes again. ‘I’m gonna get me one of those T-shirts,’ he tells Lou.
‘Why? You’re not vegan.’
‘No, but I do love sausage. I like it even better when I can have two at once.’
Lou begins to reprimand him with a tea towel across his butt as I bring my cup to my mouth again. And, you know, it’s not half bad. After the second sip, I can see myself ordering this on purpose.
‘Because you’re brave enough to wear such a bad-arse T-shirt, this is for you, too.’ Charlie says, placing a slice of gooey chocolate cake down.
‘Thank you!’ I think my smile must say it all.
‘You’re welcome, sweetie. And don’t worry, it’s vegan, too.’
‘Oh, lovely!’ I try to maintain my enthusiasm levels until he walks off.
How on earth is vegan chocolate cake a thing? Chocolate contains milk, and milk comes from cows, so ... Oh, wow. The cake is surprisingly light and fluffy and chocolatey, andat the rate I’m shoving it into my mouth, it’s not going to last very long. I return to my phone as I eat, and Google is once more my friend when I realisecocoacomes from a plant. Not that I care where something this good came from, so long as it wasn’t taken from the hands of a small child or an elderly lady.
