Page 31 of Rafferty's Rules
‘No, much worse,’ I interject.
‘Yeah, so I’m the youngest, and they told me they found me wandering around the streets.We found him just roamin’, Dad would say. Just roamin’ around, bare arsed naked, with his thumb stuck in his mouth.Do you know,’ Roman says, turning my way, ‘I was about eight before I realised I wasn’t just some waif or stray?’
‘You had to have known you were theirs. You were such a pain in the arse, no one would have kept you if you weren’t.’
‘Cheers, bro,’ he says while flipping me the bird under the guise of scratching his nose.
‘What about Rafferty?’ Lissa asks, clearly eager to hear.
‘Well, Tee here was told by the old parental units that he came from the pumpkin patch because that’s the only way they could explain the red cast to his hair.’
‘It was probably the milkman,’ I say, loving her stunned expression.
‘Ha! I’d like to see you tell Mum that.’
‘Not happening. The woman owns firearms.’
‘What about the other two?’ Little Miss Greedy for information requests.
‘Flynn is pretty laid back,’ I say. ‘Or at least he was until he met his wife and started procreating. Parenthood has made him uptight.’
Roman continues but not before sliding me an eloquent look. Last time Flynn and I caught up, we had a bit of a blue. We don’t normally quarrel, but I went to him for advice, and I didn’t like his answer. And now I realise that Roman is in on it, too.
‘We need to talk before this wedding,’ Roman say portentously. So I repay him with his own sign; a one-fingered scratch of my nose.
‘Who’s next?’ Lissa asks, oblivious to our silent conversation.
‘Flynn,’ he replies. ‘The olds said he was found hanging out with the koalas in a eucalyptus tree. Koalas do nothing but sleep most of the day because of the poor nutrition of their diet, and back in the day, Flynn wouldn’t eat anything that was remotely healthy. So that was said to be him. Laid back, lazy Flynn. Then there’s the eldest, Byron. The big fella. He was purported to have been found in a prickly pear bush. I’ll leave it to you to discover why next week.’
‘That doesn’t sound good. He has a temper, right?’
‘Nah, not really,’ I answer. ‘He’s just pretty serious. But he’s got a lot of weight on his shoulders.’ The least I can do is defend him. After all, I’m the only one out of the four of us who’ve done him harm.
‘Come on, Tee,’ Roman protests. ‘He’s a pain in the arse.’
‘So would you be if you were left to run the winery.’
‘Nah, I’d ace it,’ he retorts.
‘If by ace you mean fuck it up.’
‘Thank you for telling me your family stories, Roman,’ Lissa interjects.
‘But that’s not the end of it,’ Roman answers with an implacable gleam. ‘I haven’t told you the real story behind our names.’
‘Leave it. Lissa doesn’t want to hear this.’
Only it seems she does as she nods vigorously. ‘I love this—love how cute your parents must be.’
‘Cute isn’t the word I would use to describe them,’ I grumble, knowing what comes next. ‘Mad, maybe. Dad passed on a couple of years ago, but Mum is still as mental as ever.’
‘I dare you to say that to her face,’ Roman says with a chuckle.
‘That’s not happening any day soon,’ I retort. ‘As I said, firearms.’
‘Fellas, stay on track!’ Grasping the second open bottle, Lissa fills Roman’s glass.As if he doesn’t like her enough already.As she makes to top up my glass, I shake my head. I reckon one of us will need to keep our wits about us if we’re sleeping in the same bed tonight
‘So, the fable,’ he says. ‘The truth is a little stranger than the fiction. See, Mum and Dad were young sweethearts who ducked away one weekend. Camping, she said, but we all know it was a weekend away just to get a little busy.’
