Page 28 of Rafferty's Rules
‘It wasn’t one of my best experiences, true.’
‘But better than the time that fuckhead Jacinta superglued your nut sack to your thigh.’
Of course, that would be the moment Lissa steps out onto the deck. In my T-shirt. It hits only mid-thigh, and I know she’s not wearing anything else under it because she has her clothes scrunched under her hand and I’ve forgotten to get her a pair of my shorts. And she just inadvertently heard the tale of the nuttiest of girlfriends.Pun intended.Or maybe the most dangerous.
Oh, and Lissa is pointing at the slogan on the front of the T-shirt.
I’m not gay, but $20 is $20
I wonder if I should bother defending myself. Would she believe it was a gift?
‘Oh, hello,’ she offers brightly as she slowly lowers her pointing finger, her smile dimming in turn. She looks entirely uncomfortable, which isn’t a surprise considering the slogan. And the amount of leg she’s flashing. And the fact that we also have strange company.
In my defence, all my brothers are strange.
My thoughts are confirmed as she steps behind the back of one of the garden chairs, concealing the length of her bare legs.
‘I didn’t know anyone else was coming for dinner.’
Her gaze seeks mine for reassurance or guidance, or maybe she’s just questioning her decision to stay the night with a bloke who woke to a woman trying to glue his dick to his abdomen and has a T-shirt in his possession that alludes to a part-time job as a rent boy.
‘There isn’t anyone else here,’ I reply. ‘It’s okay, Lissa. Roman’s not a real person. He’s just my brother.’ I nod toward him, noting his eyes glittering with ill-concealed glee. ‘He turned up unexpectedly.’
‘I often wonder how you land such gorgeous girls,’ he murmurs smoothly, like he wasn’t just saying I only attract madness. ‘And now I see. It’s that silver tongue of yours. Lovely to meet you, Lissa.’ He stands, offering her his hand, then tactfully sits back down. Which is just as well because I reckon I’d punch him if he’d made a move to stare at her legs.
‘I didn’t land Lissa, arsehole. She’s a mate who happens to be in town.’
‘Whatever you say,’ he replies, so much unsaid in his tone. I hear it all anyway. Pretty. Semi-clothed. He thinks Lissa has just come straight from my bed.
I spot a blue and white throw over the back of the outdoor setting, so grab it and make my way to where she stands, offering it to her. Better than shorts, I reckon. Besides, I’m not leaving her alone with him while I go get her a pair because he’s got a runaway mouth.‘You lost your suitcase, didn’t you, Lis?’
‘Those damned airlines,’ she answers with a comicalgee, shucksmotion of her arm before taking the blanket and wrapping it around her waist like a towel.
I plate up the steaks and grab the salad Magda had made from the fridge, plus a bottle of Shiraz I’d brought upstairs earlier. Roman knows his way around the space, so he grabs silverware and condiments and even napkins.
‘I’m guessing this T-shirt was a gag gift,’ Lissa says, pulling on the T-shirt to read the slogan upside down.
‘Nah, he just likes sucking—’
‘Watch it.’ Fucking Roman. ‘There’s a very sharp knife within reach.’
‘As I said, he just likes sucking.’ He ends the statement with a huge smile.
‘I have a whole wardrobe of mad T-shirts,’ I begin. ‘It started as a joke. On a whim, I sent something similar to Flynn, my brother who lives in London. Come to think of it, that first T-shirt was pretty tame. It had a cartoon image of a koala bear with the words:I’m not a bear. I don’t have the koalafications.’
‘I dared him to wear it and send me a photo. So he did. He was out in some pub in Clapham.’ With a girl draped around his neck.
‘And he sent you one next?’ she asks, amused. ‘What did it say?’
‘Ah, he upped the ante a bit,’ I say, rubbing my ear.
‘Offensive, huh?’
‘Not exactly.’ More like an invitation. ‘It saidI may not be Mr Right, but I can bang you till he gets here.’
Roman sniggers, and Lissa giggles. And I leave the story at that. No need to mention that I’d inundated him with photos of me wearing the fucking thing, always with a new chick I’d pulled because of it. Maybe not just because ofit.
‘And this has been going on for how long?’
