Page 22 of Easy
‘I did warn you she’s a lightweight, assuming I’m talking to the hot man in the suit I spoke with earlier. And not Julian.’ The latter she adds as a sort of afterthought.
‘How do you know I’m not Julian?’
‘Call itexperience. Men who sound too good to be true usually are.’ She doesn’t give me a moment before forging ahead. ‘So she’s not with the fair Julian and she’s not dead. I’d ask if she was passed out, stupefied by satisfaction after a thorough servicing, courtesy of my credit card, but I received an email from the agency. Apparently, my pick of James Bond-esque escorts had to cancel at the last minute.’
‘Fancy that.’ I tsk, pulling off one of Sadie’s deadly heels. I hold it up to examine it. I wonder if I can get her to wear these while I fuck her? There’s nothing like a little lethal threat to keep a man in check. Obviously, at some point when she’s sober. There’s nothing fun about a screaming girl and a punctured lung. ‘Man Whores R Us is such an unreliable outfit,’ I say.
‘Who are you, Will? And where’s my girl?’
‘So my name is Will,’ I say, camping it up. ‘I’m a Capricorn. And I’m well versed in vaginas, though I haven’t had the pleasure of your friend’s.’Quite yet.
‘Or the business of it, come to that,’ she says, chuckling.
‘Did you know she hasn’t been fucked in three years?’
‘Will!’ Kallie chastises. ‘A gentleman never kisses and tells. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that?’
‘My mother and I kept our conversations strictly PG. But I’ll tell you, Kallie, it’s a rare friend who books an escort to get her bestie laid. Some would say the best kind of friend.’
‘It wasn’t like that,’ she drawls. ‘He was only meant to be arm candy. Someone to fall back on should the worse happen. Sadie would never have a one-night stand, let alone—well, you know.’
‘Sleep with a professional?’ I chuck the heel on the mattress and pull off the other one, a little disappointed. ‘My friend envy is officially assuaged.’
‘But she’s okay, isn’t she?’ she asks a little more hesitantly. ‘How did the evening go? Was she devastated?’
I pause. ‘She didn’t appear to be so.’ Especially when she was riding my hand. ‘I think she’ll survive.’ Give it another couple of days, and she won’t even remember his name.
‘I hate that the one time she puts herself out there, she gets kicked in the face. I wish I was there for her.’
‘Breathe easy, Super Bae, the lovely Sadie passed a pleasant evening in my company. And is currently shit-faced drunk and sleeping in my bed, which happens to be one floor above Mo’s apartment.’
‘You know Mo?’
‘I do. Not only are we neighbours, but we went to school together.’
‘Where?’ she asks suspiciously. ‘And remember, I have pictures of you on my phone.’
‘You flatter me, Super B. By all means, run them past Mo. And to answer your question, he and I went to Karterhouse together.’ The boarding school where I spent my teen years, though I’m sure my father would’ve carted me off at the age of three if he could’ve persuaded the school to take me earlier.
‘So you’re a real posh boy. Shame on you for not having your way with the nice American girl who has a thing for the accent.’
‘Ocht, hen, I can do a Scot’s accent, too, hen.’ I’d meant to give her just a hint, though come off sounding a little like something off kid’s TV. ‘Does she usually smile in her sleep?’
‘How would I know?’ she answers, beginning to laugh again. ‘Contrary to male popular opinion, not all women enjoy homoerotic sleepovers filled with pillow fights.’
‘Kallie,’ I complain. ‘Stop ruining my boyhood fantasies.’
‘Just a minute, posh boy. You’re Will Travers, aren’t you? The Right Honourable Will?’
‘I believe that’s what it says on my passport.’ I try to keep the strain from my tone. I hate what this means to those outside of the fold. Especially as I’m purposely and permanently outside the fold, it means fuck all to me. ‘Does that put you at ease, knowing your friend is being tended to by the son of an earl? A peer of the realm?’
‘Does it hell,’ she answers. ‘If anything, it makes it worse!’ Good woman. Good instincts, at least. ‘But what eases my womanly anxiety is the fact that Mo is fond of you. I’ve heard of you, Will Travers,’ she adds playfully.
I snort. ‘So you’ve heard Mo wants into my boxer briefs?’ He has since 2003. ‘Alas, I find I can’t bat for his team. Where is he, anyway?’
‘Would you believe he’s gone back to India to view a perspective bride.’
‘I would not... touch that with a ten-foot pole.’
