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‘Haven’t you ever...’ Was he going to ask me if I’d been to any clubs? And if he did, would I tell him that was what I’d hoped would come of last Friday night? ‘I don’t know, perhaps asked a past boyfriend to rough you up a little?’
Without regard for my nakedness, I pull myself upright and cross my legs as my voice takes on a perky edge.
‘Hey, Brad?’ I say, flicking the hair from my shoulders with exaggeration. ‘Will you, like, wrap your hands around my throat? Maybe grab my ass when we kiss? Slap me a little before, before... fucking me real hard?’ My shoulders sag, my expression marred by a frown. ‘You have no idea.’ And I’m not telling him.
‘So tell me,’ he suggests softly.
I can’t spill the words. How can I explain the line I’d walked back home? Socially? Morally? Instead, I feed him half-truths.
‘You’re looking at a small town girl with the same boyfriend from high school through college. A couple of casual relationships afterwards.’ A father who is a pastor, but I’ll leave that out for now. ‘That’s my tiny world.’
‘I’m certain kink isn’t exclusive to cities.’
‘I got close.’ My eyes fall to the sheet, and I chew my bottom lip as I recall. ‘With a boyfriend one time, I got close. I was in college. He noticed how I held my hands above my head when we were in bed, I think.’ On the rare occasion neither one of us had a roommate. ‘Then he bit me. As he was, you know.’ My eyes flick to his, hoping I don’t have to spell it out for him. ‘He left a bruise.’ I smile at the distant memory, the sensation of teeth that are more accurately Dan’s. ‘I couldn’t stop examining it as it faded. Even he thought it pretty hot. The next time, he bit my lip in the middle of sex. Now,thatwas definitely hot.’
Maybe I’ve said too much; Dan looks less than pleased. Lying down again, I hide my face in his shoulder once again. ‘Somewhere between my whimper and melting, he pulled away and apologised. I could never get him to try anything like that again.’ I don’t mention how wrong he made me feel for bringing it up again, or the weeks of guilt that followed—the sense that I’d become some deviant. And how, in a fit of jealousy, he’d told.I’m not going there. I don’t need the misery.
The room is silent for a beat but for the pitter-patter of rain against the window.
‘You really dated a boy named Brad?’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘It’s just such acliché, isn’t it?’
‘And a one-night stand isn’t?’
‘So we’re both clichés. I can live with that. Girl meets boy. Girl wants it a little rough and got exactly what she bargained for.’
‘Is that so?’ I’m almost certain a smile can be heard. ‘And how do you suppose that happened?’
‘Perhaps they moved into familiarity much easier than either of them had planned.’
‘They did?’ I feel a little breathless all of a sudden; not at all surprising considering I feel like my heart just stopped.
‘Into an intimacy that could undo them both.’ Dan rolls onto his side, moving my body so I’m curled into him.
I fight to keep space between us. ‘What do you meanundo?’
‘You remember the house rules?’ He pulls his arm from under me, and I sit straight on the bed, pushing the hair from my eyes.
‘The house always wins?’ I use a faux sweetness, suddenly full of daring.
‘That’s a fact, but in this instance, it’s more about you doing what I say.’
‘Oh, I remember. At the door that night, the wholemy way or the highway,’ I say, mimicking his bass tone. ‘Unless I don’t want to because then? Well, you’re pretty much screwed.’
As I shrug, something shines brightly in his eyes.Excitement, I think, as his eyes fall to where my nipples stand taut.
‘Freudian slip, love?’
‘Hah! You wish.’
‘Wishes aren’t really a priority for me. I’m more about demands. Roll over, darling.’
‘You can’t make me.’ Shoulder to ear, I shrug. I’m like the girl in the playground, all attitude and chewing gum.
‘I’m sure I can.’ His voice is quiet, almost chillingly so. He’d definitely had lots of practise. ‘But if I have to force you to, then mark my words, you’ll be sorry.’
