Page 88 of Easy
Copyright © 2018 Donna Alam
Chapter 1
Kallie
Going home for a funeral was never going to be nice.
The last couple of years that my father was alive we didn’t see each other an awful lot, especially after I moved to California for college. Really though, it was to get out from under his influence. My dad was... how can I put this? Overbearing. Old fashioned. And unfortunately, not very nice to me. Oh, he provided a roof over my head and food in my belly, which he mentioned often enough. But he saw me as ungrateful. Too other. And he believed a daughter of his loins should be the paragon of virtue. A biddable child. She should go to university near home, and after a year or two in employment, she should dutifully marry. To a man of his choosing. That wasn’t going to happen. I’d known from a young age I wasn’t destined forhisdaughters future. I was living my life my way. Bugger what he said.
Of course, that meant moving away from home. From London. From family. And I chose to move continents, not just states. I imagine the only reason I was allowed to go in the first place was because I’d be staying with distant relatives. No dorms for me. At least, to begin with. But moving away allowed me to create my own life. My father and I talked often, when he had some sermon to dictate, but that was the extent of our contact, save for the odd wedding or funeral when I could attend. Studies came first. He approved of that. Only now, I’m here forhisfuneral.
It’s sad that we didn’t see eye to eye. Sad that we never had the connection. But that’s life, I suppose.Old grievances get in the way.Things that now seem petty and so insignificant now that he’s no longer here.
I’m entirely unsure how I feel now that he’s gone. Obviously, I regret that I didn’t spend more time with him during his last years. That I didn’t try harder to be the daughter he wanted. But a piece of me is also relieved that finally, I can’t disappoint him anymore.
I’d travelled back to London to support my mother, though my brother is already here, my sister, Dee, unable to travel from her home in the states due to a precarious pregnancy. He was as overbearing with her as he was me. And to our mother, too. As awful as it sounds, she might now have a chance to bloom, now that he’s no longer restricting her movements. I don’t know if I’m just being a bitch about it, but I couldn’t stay to watch her suffer. I suppose I’m bitter because I can’t have it out with him anymore.
Not that I hadn’t tried.
Addy, my brother, is three years older than me and the only one of our family who still lives in London. At thirty-one, he’d taken the bulk of the responsibility for dad’s passing; the legalities and practicalities, the temple arrangements; everything.
‘You should move back here, Kallie,’ Addy says, joining me at the window as I look out over the immaculate garden. The grass is perfectly cut. There are no weeds in the flower beds, just how dad liked it. His way. It seems apt that the house is in tip-top condition for his funeral. ‘You don’t have any reason to go back to Cali.’
This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned it, but we can actually talk about it now that all the guests are gone and we are left to mourn in peace.Whatever that is.Mostly, I just feel empty.
‘Get lost,’ I say, taking a good look at him. He’s almost a spitting image of my dad with the same frowning countenance and brooding eyes. Fine lines are beginning to show around his eyes and I begin to wonder if he smiles much these days.
‘Come on, Kallie. Mum might need you. You can move home and help out.’
‘Around the home?’ I slide my hand onto my hip suddenly desperate to get into a pair of jeans and out of this sari. ‘How many college professors do you know who stay home to look after their mothers?’
‘She might want to sell the place, anyway.’ I don’t know if she’ll be able to maintain it the way dad would have wanted it, and I don’t know if she’ll have the heart to let it slide. There is so much of him in these walls, so much of the man that presided over us alll. I don’t know if she will ever feel free to do her own thing without feeling like his memory was haunting the place. Looking over her shoulder, constantly telling her what she was doing wrong.
Addy rolls his eyes. ‘It’s been in the family for years. You know she won’t.’
I sigh, knowing that’s how it works in our family—we’re big on tradition and heritage.Obedience. Addyis the older brother, the first-born son. I want to tell him to sod off, but that’s not very seemly according to him. But if it’s so important to him, he can bloody well live here! Though part of me is superstitious. If he moves back in, he might turn into my father completely.
It can be lonely in California, though I won’t admit it, even to myself. My bestie, Sadie, moved to London last year. Sometimes I feel like she’s taken my social life with her. But I am looking forward to seeing her this week. And meeting her hottie, Will. The James Bond type live-in boyfriend. Sometimes I hate being so far away from all my family and old friends. The people I grew up with. But I like my job and the people I work with. Plus, I’m building a life for myself out there.
‘Look, I might like being back in London now, but what about my life and job? Besides, I still have my PhD to think about. And what about Dee?’
‘You could finish that here. Schools are schools. And as for Dee, doesn’t she lift hours away, plus has a husband?’
‘And not all universities were created equal. I don’t want to lose what I’ve built. And as for Dee, I believe you were also at her wedding.’
“You don’t have work, anymore, Kallie,’ Addy replies, ignoring the rest. ‘We’ll have so much money you can swim in it if you want to, after what dad left.’
Even though it’s true, my heart sinks. The thought of not working doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want to sit at home and do nothing with my life. I studied for a reason and I’m good at what I do. I prefer direction in my life. Besides, there’s no reason for me to come back to London. I can always visit, when it comes down to it.
Dad had a textile factory which he sold last year, along with some other businesses. It’s sad that he didn’t really get a chance to enjoy his retirement.
But still, I’m torn. Sometimes I can see myself coming back, but I’m not convinced the change would be that great. There’d need to be some solid reason for doing so.A reason like Joshua Davies?I want to bitch slap my unhelpful brain suddenly. Now is not the time to be thinking of him. In fact,neveris the time to be thinking about that man. We grew up together, Josh, Scott and I. It’s like a tragic stereotype. I was the little sister who got in the way, day in and day out, my parents encouraging Addy to include me in their plans. At least, until I got older, when the goal posts were changed. I’d stare out of my bedroom window, doodling our intertwined names in my diary. I had a crush on him for years, even if there was a time when I truly believed we would be something more.
But no. Seems Josh wasn’t destined to be for me.
He left town not long after I did, and if I thought there could ever be anything left between us, those thoughts dissolved years ago. Even if I did feel the fluttering wings of hope as I’d made my way home, trying desperately not to think of him. Shame on me for imagining he might be here for my father’s passing. He used to be so close to us that he was practically part of the family.
That says everything I need to know about where he fits into my life today. He doesn’t. Of course, I can’t say anything about it, because when I say the three of us grew up together, what I forgot to say was that he was Addy’s best friend.
