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‘His home is beautiful.’ And the opposite of small. Three floors. Maybe four? My gaze returns to the iPad and the club’s latest media release.
‘How come you haven’t discussed any of this?’ Flo’s question is hesitant. I shake my head. ‘What the hell have you been doing all this time?’ My cheeks start to heat again, though I can’t find any words. ‘I knew he’d be a seriously good shag,’ she adds, a smile colouring her words.
‘Can we not discuss that now?’ I feel suddenly angry. If sex is his business, then what does that make me? ‘Why didn’t you tell me? All this time you’ve never once mentioned this?’
Flo’s gaze lowers, and I considered that we aren’t really friends. A least not in the BFF sense. Flo is someone I work and live with. Occasionally, we go out. We have nothing in common, and I’d never made her a confidante.I don’t let anyone in.
‘I didn’t know you’d get serious about him.’ Flo makes serious with Dan sound something dirty. ‘And I assumed you’d know by now. Christ, Lou, I was going to ask if you could get me in next weekend.’
‘What’s your plan?’ she asks when silence falls again.
‘Hmm?’
‘When can we expect him to arrive on his rescuing steed or should that be spanking horse?’ Flo sniggers a little at her own joke, and even I can’t help but smile this time. It’s all so surreal.
‘It’s not likely to happen, considering he doesn’t know where I live.’
‘My God. Did the pair of you ever talk between fucking?’
Not a great deal. And certainly not enough.
‘He knows where I work.’
‘Surely, you’re not going to leave this until after the weekend? Wait for him to turn up at the office?’ Flo sounds incredulous.
I shrug, not quite decided, unsure of how this will play out. Other things I’m certain of. Like how decisions made in haste always bite your ass in the cold light of day. I need time to think, to work this all out in my head. Placing the glass down, I stand and pass the iPad back into Flo’s hands.
‘I have some thinking to do first.’
In my cold bedroom, I open my phone to a dozen texts.
Where are you?
Please don’t leave like this.
Please let me explain.
The final text, sent ten minutes ago, reads,I’m sorry.
The strangest thing is, so am I. It’s partly my fault things stand as they do. If I hadn’t been so closed off, maybe Dan wouldn’t have felt the need to hide. He said he loved me, and that was true. I feel it in my bones. But the rest? The things he hadn’t told me? What else was fake?
Because a lie of omission is as damning as any untruth.
I feel so sorry for myself. Sorry for a lot of things, but mainly, I’m sorry he isn’t here because I ache to be held.
Chapter Thirty-One
LOUISE
‘Your office still looks like the Chelsea fucking flower show, by the way.’
On a gloomy Thursday afternoon, Flo collapses into the chair by the window, curling her work-tired legs to the side.
‘They’re still fresh?’
Scowling, Flo nods. ‘And still beautiful. Maybe I should’ve brought some home. Might’ve brightened the place up. The atmosphere in here is like a morgue.’
I send her a look that sayswhat do you expect?
