Page 57 of Single Daddy Scot
In the kitchen, I open the booze cupboard and the open box of condoms falls out; only this time, the contents scatter across the floor. It’s with anger and the bite of tears stinging my eyes that I shove the foil packages back into the box, throwing it in the back of the cupboard.
I add a couple of fingers of whisky in two glasses and carry them out of the kitchen while Mac reads Louis his third story of the night. I deposit them on the dining table, one on either side. I figure this is a conversation we need to have with something more than just our lust between us.
‘This is a touch formal, no?’ Mac asks, strolling into the room. He hasn’t changed and is still in his suit pants and shirtsleeves. I can’t say the same. I’m hardly dressed for a night on the town, but I have taken the time to shower quickly and throw my hair up in a knot. With a lick of lipstick, a silk camisole, palazzo pants, and a cap-sleeved cardigan, I’m at least dressed appropriately for a wine bar. Dressed to impress in under ten minutes, not that I have need of impressing my companion tonight.
‘I’d like to talk to you without’—touching you—‘any kind of distraction.’
‘I thought we’d said you would sit on my knee?’ From the other side of the table, his fingers dance against the chair back as though he doesn’t think I’m serious. Eventually, though, he pulls the chair out, sitting down.
‘Fin seems nice.’ The words feel like glass in my throat.
‘She is. She seems to have taken a shine to Louis. Said nice things about you, too.’
‘It was painful for you, seeing her here.’ His expression clouds, playing confused. ‘You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like it if you felt you could.’
‘She’s like family.’
‘You tell yourself that, I’m sure, but you didn’t look at her very sisterly.’ I take a sip of my whisky and tell myself that’s why my eyes cloud with tears.
‘I don’t know what to tell you. Fin’s married, and she’s a mate.’
‘But you wish she wasn’t. Come on, Mac. It was obvious. It might work out better now that I know.’
‘Ella, I’ve no idea what you’re talkin’ about, hen.’
My shoulders lift as I suck in a breath, falling as I expel all the things I have to say.
‘You’re such a catch, Mac Adams. You’ll make a girl very happy one day.’
‘I don’t like the way this is going,’ he says, eyebrows drawing in. ‘?Because if you’re about to say you’re leavin’—’
‘I am going to leave but not yet. Not for a few months. September, actually.’
‘What? But why?’
‘I’m going back to university. I love kids, but I can’t be an au pair all my life, so I thought I’d be a teacher. Preschool or early years.’
‘Well, that’s good for you, but what about Louis? What about me?’
‘I’m not going to leave you in the lurch. I’ll be here for the summer holidays, and I’ll help you find someone reliable. When Louis starts school in September, you won’t need someone full time. Or live-in.’ The thought of another woman living here in my places makes me stomach suddenly twist.
‘Whoever you find, it won’t be you, though, will it?’ His words sound sandpapery and harsh. ‘If this is about Fin, I promise you, there’s nothing going on between us. In fact—’
‘Going to uni is my decision. I can’t keep hiding from the future. I have to grow up.’ My words seem to hit him somehow, his body reacting with a jerk. ‘Mac, I’m seriously attracted to you.’ I duck my head, not quite able to be brave with my admission without some level of embarrassment. ‘Seeing how you reacted to Fin. Well, it sort of made me come to some decisions. And I want you to brace yourself for what I’m about to say.’ He stares back blankly. And why wouldn’t he? He has no idea what a freak I am.
‘I have a sort of proposition for you.’ I force my head up, though I can’t make my gaze hold his or loosen my fingers from twisting the hem of my shirt.
‘Aye?’
‘And it’s sort of embarrassing.’ I glance at my glass, the light in the room transforming the amber liquid into something quite beautiful. ‘I wasn’t completely honest with you in the coffee shop.’
‘Is this about your ex?’
‘Sort of. And not. See, I did date him for four years. It’s no wonder I have really bad self-esteem, really.’ Who doesn’t know the person they’re involved with isn’t interested in them. Not physically. Not emotionally, really, because he strung me along without a thought for what it would do to me.
I keep my gaze on my glass as I try to control the impulse to cry. ‘And then I ran away to Paris to live. It was my version of joining the circus, I suppose. See, I was at uni, but I hated my course. I tried to stick it out for the sake of expectations, but it was just so soul destroyingly hard. Then, in my final year, I found out the man I thought would be my future husband was actually gay. Which was shocking enough, but we were saving our virginity like special jewels for our wedding night, because he was gay. When, actually, he was a great big butt slut. And not a virgin at all, apparently,’ I add, twisting my shirt a little more.
‘Oh, you can laugh,’ I tell him, giggling quite suddenly myself, ‘because it’s true. He was blowing every Tom and Dick, or every Tom’s dick, while I studied to become an accountant. Come to think of it, he’s probably still a vaginal virgin. Which I suppose makes two of us.’
