Page 87 of Two Wrongs
‘I showed Ivy the video ages ago, and she did her ‘narna. Jesus, did she go mental... But the rest of the interwebz, well, they went a different kind of nuts for it. But her reaction... I can’t explain it.’
‘Oh, God. You think it might have been Ivy with him?’ Fin’s question is pitched so quietly that if my ear weren’t pressed to the wood of the door, I wouldn’t have heard. ‘How awful—if it were me, I’d be pretty pissed.’
‘You wouldn’t. Not if you’d seen the length of his—Aye, okay! Don’t look at me like that. I wasn’t gonnae say cock; I was gonnae sayhis goods. Ah, look, you’ve made me say it anyway.’
‘Ivy probably has enough for a new car with the contents of the salon swear-box.’
Nat snorts. ‘Like I’m the only one filling it these days; Ivy swears like a sailor if she thinks we’re not listening, cursing and muttering under her breath.’
‘Regardless, I don’t think now is the time to ask if she’s starred in any videos lately.’
‘Agreed. Not after this afternoon. But it can’t really have been her. That’s like incest, or something, and surely, I woulda known. Christ, it makes me feel grubby just thinking about it.’
It makes Nat feel grubby. If only she knew that clip is the very tip of our dirty iceberg. It’s not nice knowing the world has access to your private life, but I’ve tried not to think about it, mainly because I couldn’t do anything about it. But hearing her words—her toneand knowing how liberal her attitude to sex is—well, it makes me feel dirty. Makes me feel all wrong.
And now, I’m crying again. Bloody hell.
‘The thing is, there’s supposed to be new content releasing soon.’
‘She’s not a video game, for Christ’s sake!’
‘Look, it’s not likely to be her because it’s being released by a company that makes porn. It’s likely to be an actress, isn’t it?’
‘So you thinkhe’sdoing porn?’
‘Keep your voice down!’
‘How can this not shock you? Finding out Ivy’s married and—and all that stuff, but then that her baby daddy might—’
‘Calm your tits!Ifyou can find them.’ Nat sniggers.
‘Hey, Ihavetits. They’re just a little on the modest side.’
‘Anything Rory can’nae get in his mouth is surplus? Is that what he’s been telling you? Aye, and the wee folk live at the bottom of my garden.’
‘You’re all kinds of wrong. Stay on track, Nat, please. Porn!’
‘One of my favourite topics.’ She sniffs. ‘It looks like Dylan has tried to get this film stopped legally, according to DMZ, so it’s not likely to be new. Maybe he recorded it before he hit the big time? I saw one or two stills this morning on the net, but the signal’s pretty crappy over here. And it’s gonna be pay-per-view, so I won’t be buying it. I like my wank bank material for free.’
‘Christ on a cracker, you can’t watch!’
‘I wasn’t going to.’
As the pair bicker, my heart begins beating out of my chest. Another video, one Dylan is trying to stop. Maybe that’s why he’s here because I would’ve known if he’d done porn before we were married so that only leaves...
‘Ivy.’
Exactly. More of my bum plastered across the internet.
Oh, God. And my face?My parents! Mac—my friends! The village—the fucking world!
‘What are we going to tell her?’
‘Nothing. That has to be a dickalicious job.’
‘Dick—you’re going to have to come up with another nickname. Apart from that one being inappropriate, it’s a bit of a mouthful.’
‘And that’s what she said.’
