Page 24 of Two Wrongs
‘Absolutely; an article online said so. It had a great headline:Some like it Scot. He was linked todozensof names.’
‘Doesn’t mean anything, necessarily.’
‘I say there’s no smoke wi’out a hard-on.’ She snorts at her own rubbish joke. ‘And he loves a blonde. Lucky for me, eh? Given the chance, I’d show him blonde,’ she adds, ribald.
‘You’re a redhead,’ I answer distractedly.
‘He’d never know. I’ve no ginger anywhere except on my head, and I’ve bleached the hell out of that. Anyway,’ she adds with a sniff, ‘I reckon that man has a well-cultivated image. There’s just something about him that saystoo good to be true,y’ken.’
‘I detect a fault in your reasoning.’ Because he’s not too good to be true. Just look at his fucked-up plans for my evening. I slam the glass down.
‘Whassat?’
‘It was my glass,’ I reply, contemplating filling it again.
‘No, the fault you detect, numpty.’
‘Oh. I meant that video.’ The one I can’t believe I’ve brought up. The one where my arse has a starring role.
‘I didn’t say it was a foolproof plan, did I? Could it have been a ruse or a PR stunt?’
‘Looked pretty real to me.’ Felt so, too.
‘Yeah.’ She sighs. ‘I might have to watch it again. Maybe re-evaluate. Probably just wishful thinking that those women were beards.’
‘You’re obsessed, you know that. Truly obsessed with facial hair.’
‘But I didn’t say I was convinced. If I was, I’d have described him as gay as a spooge-covered moustache.’
‘Really?’
‘Aye,’ she responds with utter delight in her voice. ‘You can’t have a go at me for spooge. It’s not swearing. Not technically. It’s just cum!’ she adds with delight.
‘Where the hell do you come up with this stuff?’
‘It’s a gift. I thought you said you’d met him at that party, anyway.’
‘And I thought I’d asked you not to bring that up again.’
‘It’s fine,’ she replies. ‘June and Fin are in the kitchen.’
‘And,’ I say, ignoring her, because if she thinks I’m engaging in this conversation, she’s sorely mistaken, ‘that’s not the sort of stuff you ask a stranger.’
‘But you let any old Tom or Dick drink out of your cleavage, tequila tits?’
‘I’m ruing the day I ever recounted that story. You have the memory of a flippin’ eggplant.’
‘A straight man would’ve copped a—’ Nat bursts into laughter, deep raucous laughter. ‘Ah, man, you keep me entertained. It’s elephant, daftie. The eggplant is what he keeps in his pants! In fact, that’s what I’m gonna call him from now on; the man with the mighty aubergine, on account of his magnificent head!’ she says, her accent rendering the wordheed.
‘How do you know he didn’t?’ I cut in. ‘Cop a feel, I mean?’
‘Ivy Adams. Have you been holding out on me?’
‘You’ll never know,’ I taunt. ‘But gay or straight, Dylan Duffy doesn’t have me stashed away in his lair.’
And he doesn’t expect me to go out with him tonight to find someone to fix my non-adulterous status with. Or at least, I don’t think he’s really going to insist on it. He’s just posturing—making me suffer. I have to believe this of him.
‘That’s actually a bit disappointing,’ Natasha says, bringing me out of my thoughts. ‘Tell me you’re getting a little downtime at least. Drinking a few cocktails before getting your flirt on?’
