Page 111 of Dirty Deadly & Mine
“Fuck!” I hiss loudly in the space, wishing there was something I could punch right now.
I’ve fucked up. I’ve pushed too hard and now she’s retreated. But how could I not express my concern? Something isn’t right and I fucking care about her. Deeply. I can’t turn a fucking blind eye to that.
Sinking back down onto the bed, I rake my hands through my hair and rest my elbows on my knees as the truth of the situation hits me.
Maybe I really am nothing more than a dick for her to get off on, and as soon as she’s had her fill, I’ll be tossed aside.
CHAPTER 25
LILY
Ineed to kill something. Like right now. I haven’t been able to get a wink of sleep, which is just adding to my mood. I checked my job app on the off chance Barrett had sent me another one, but it was empty.
I even considered going over to Asher’s mum’s place and slaughtering Monty, the good for nothing asshat that’s keeping Asher from going home.
Because maybe he needs to go home. Maybe he needs to just not be here anymore.
The thought sends an ache right to the centre of my chest, and shit, it’s a feeling I don’t want to analyse.
I can’t let Asher get to me. It’s too risky, and I know damn well if he found out even the barest minimum of what I do on my side hustle, that he’d bolt.
Unless you’re born into this life, it would be almost impossible to accept.
Thank Christ it’s Easter Sunday. It gives me something to focus on, so I leave the confines of my bedroom early to set up the Easter hunt for the boys. It doesn’t matter how old they are, I still set up an egg hunt for them, and they love it.
By the time the twins and Asher rise around mid-morning, I’m about ready to jump out of my skin with the need for a distraction.
“Yes!” Ronan whoops, his eyes bright with excitement as they land on the note on top of the counter.
“You really don’t have to do this, Mum. We are too old for Easter hunts.” Jude smiles, his eyes warm as he shifts his attention between me and his brother.
“Speak for yourself.” Asher grins at Jude, slapping him on the shoulder as he passes. “I’m still a kid, all immature and unable to be serious.”
The dig goes over the twins’ heads, but I get Asher’s message, loud and clear.
“Me too.” Ronan grins as he opens the note.
I’ve done this every year since they were eight, when they found out the Easter Bunny wasn’t real. I have a bunch of clues spread throughout the house, and the boys have to figure out each riddle to claim their prize and the next note.
I smile and watch the boys as they laugh and stir each other up until they find each clue and the small gifts along the way.
Just like every year, Asher is included in the hunt, but unlike other years, his smile is forced as he tries to hide his mood.
At the end of the hunt, they find a box of chocolate eggs, some gift cards, and a bottle of cologne each. I usually get them all the same, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Asher smelling like my sons, so to avoid it looking obvious, I got three different colognes this year.
Jude walks by with his gifts, a huge smile pulling at his lips as he gives me a peck on my cheek.
“Thanks, Mum.”
Smiling as he walks towards the dining table, I watch Ronan shoot me a wink. “Thanks, Mummio.”
I roll my eyes, but he doesn’t notice, too busy trying to peel the foil off a chocolate egg.
“Thanks,” Asher mutters as he strides by, not looking at me as he heads to the stairs and disappears up them.
Jesus. I’m too old for all this drama.
Part of me feels like screaming, but I can’t do that. Not in front of the twins, so I push my pain aside and focus on cooking a nice Easter lunch.
