Page 74 of Beneath the Helmet
All I want is for Ben to be here with me. It’s as if my body and mind are in pain without him. Is this what love is supposed to feel like or is this just pathetic behavior? I exhale roughly into my pillow in agony.
Who would’ve thought my life would’ve turned into this at the end of the school year? I never saw myself experiencing love, especially with Ben, nor saw myself having a sexual awakening or almost getting sexually assaulted.
Life’s crazy.
Finally, after what feels like hours have passed, I find a comfortable spot on my bed in an odd position of an arm and a leg laying off to the side and pass out while dreamily thinking of Ben and how my first experience with oral went.
Chapter Sixteen.
Every day is bliss with Ben.
I wake up, shower, eat, try to look as cute as possible then go over to Ben’s to spend the day. So far, we’ve had just enough alone time to get in a quick session of making out and him playing with me, but we haven’t gone any further and he hasn’t gone down on me since he held me up against the barn. Hedoesmake sure to grab my ass and boobs whenever he gets a chance, and I make sure to tease him by sneaking in a feel through his work jeans, but I’m dying for more.
I zone out, enveloped in memories about our escapades, as we walk side by side to the next field to help his dad unhook the wagon he’s using to pick up wood that fell off dead trees around the farm and the backwoods. It’s pretty much full now.
The week flies by and Thursday night is here before I know it.
After we finish eating dinner with his parents, he grabs my hand and escorts me to his bedroom. We haven’t hung out in there since we started our relationship. Is tonight the night things will progress further?
I’ve been dying to feel him, skin to skin and see what it fully looks like. Plus, I want to repay the favor. He makes me feel so good. I want to make him feel good too. I might even be ready to have sex. I think…? I don’t know how you ever know if you’re truly ready for sex.
Either way, I’ve done my best to prep myself. I’ve taken birth control for years because my periods have always sucked, which works out because I hear that it feels better for the guy if he doesn’t use condoms, so we don’t have to worry about that. I also researched blowjob techniques yesterday which provided… interesting results to say the least. Badgirlsbible definitely earned itself a bookmark on my private tabs to look at more in depth later.
I even braved a quick trip to the store to grab lingerie making sure I went to one an hour away from home so I didn’t chance running into anyone I knew. The lingerie store accentuated my self-consciousness. I wish I had a best girlfriend who would’ve been able to have thisexperience with me. That would’ve been much more fun.
The lady who measured my bra size was nice enough though and tried to bolster up my confidence. She gave me recommendations on what would fit me and what would look good. I bought several new lacey thongs, a v-string and two full outfits equipped with stockings that went up my legs while the rest of the outfit was either tied together or closed with clips.
I pray he likes everything. I hope I didn’t go too overboard.
Thankfully, I had enough money saved up from summer jobs over the years and from helping Ben and his family that I could use cash to buy everything so it wouldn’t show up on my parents’ card. I donotwant to have a conversation with them ever over that purchase if at all possible.
He shuts his bedroom door and walks over to the bed, pulling me down with him and holding me against him tightly. He inhales deeply, smelling my hair.
“Your smell is so addicting, babe. I need you to give me some of your perfume so I can spray my pillow. I can barely sleep these days without you. I need something that smells like you so I can relax at night.”
My heart leaps, beyond happy he feels the same way I do.
“I can do that, but I’m honestly having the same problem. You’ll have to give me yours too. I wish we could sleep together instead of swapping perfumes.”
He buries his head in my neck. “Oh yeah?” he chuckles.
“Not like that,” I snap, jokingly.
“I did think of a plan to address that problem.”
“Oh?” Butterflies race to my chest.
“We’d risk getting in trouble with both our parents though, so it’s up to you if you want to try it.”
He rubs my stomach lightly, caressing the skin under my shirt, his other hand firmly holding me in place against him.
“If you’d stop that, I could concentrate on what you were actually saying.”
My brain always stops working when he touches me and gets me all worked up.
He kisses the back of my neck, making my problem worse. “Sorry, babe.”
Shivers run down my spine from another light peck on the neck, and another, and another.
