Page 10 of Beneath the Helmet
Round two didn’t last long either though. He broke up with her after two weeks because he was sick of her bossing him around.
And so repeated the cycle.
Each time he came back to me, I accepted him with open arms, but the pain of being repeatedly abandoned by him for her was making me numb. Therefore, it became an unspokenagreement between us not to ask questions about relationships or anything regarding the opposite sex to stave off that repeated uncomfortable conversation. Until now apparently.
“Ben? Is that Tree?” I repeat softly, afraid of the answer.
“Huh?” He looks up from his phone confused. “Oh, no, no, but I uh… gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, ok?”
He shoves his phone into his pocket, fakes a quick smile, and walks off, leaving me alone in my bedroom with a crushing silence.
ChapterFour.
I spend the entire rest of the day in a dazed state of confusion, starting off with burning my breakfast omelet to bits because I can’t stop replaying our morning together.
Why the heck did Ben charge in and seemingly flirt with me? What was he doing on his phone if he wasn’t texting Tree? Was he lying to me?
My parents’ conversations flow in one ear and out the other because I’m so lost in the fog of hypothetical scenarios about our entire encounter and what each touch, each word and each deep stare meant.
The rest of the day is spent obsessively checking my phone in the hopes he’ll text me to restart the conversation we were having this morning. The flirty banter, the touching… but he didn’t.
Multiple times I typed out “hey” only to delete it seconds later, too afraid I’d be blocked again.
After a stressful day of overthinking, I call it a night and plug my phone into the charger on my desk so it’s far enough away from me that I can’t reach it from bed. I can’t sit here staring at it anymore, wondering if he was just being flirty for fun or if it meant something deeper…or worse he didn’t mean anything by it at all.
My head slams into my pillow and a forceful exhale blows my hair out of my face in frustration.
Ugh, I’m going insane.
In all our years of friendship, we’ve never been in a spot like this. A territory possibly borderline from a point of no return. But maybe I’m just kidding myself and it’s not the reality of the situation at all.
Throughout the night, uncertain ghosts of truths whisper in my ears, always coming back to one question:What is this new thing between us?
I wake up the next morning with dread in the pit of my stomach at the reality I may not have a text from Ben. So instead, I go downstairs, leaving my phone on my desk and out of sight, to see my parents already awake and making breakfast.
“Going to church with us today, honey?” My dad grins and shows me his pan filled with an egg and bacon smiley face.
I didn’t really want to go, but I know once I'm at college, I won’t be able to go with them as often, so I say yes.
We finish our breakfast, throwing small food fights, laughing and joking around and then all change out of our PJs for church.
Mom and Dad went with jeans and T-shirts but I chose to wear my loose long-sleeved, floor-length black dress paired with low black heels. I don’t know why a dress sounds appealing to wear, but I’m going with it. Plus, it’s long enough to prevent my thighs from sticking to the pews which is a major bonus.
I leer at my phone like it’s challenging me to a staring contest.
Nope, I’m not taking it with me.I don’t need it at church.
And with that, I stick my nose up defiantly at it like I just won some mind battle and leave it on the desk in my room.
The church sermon’s a bit awkward. The pastor decides to try something new and preach to the congregation about dating.
I uncomfortably sit next to my parents, forcibly listening to the purity speech while flashbacks of the horrific sex talk they gave me years ago resurfaces in my brain. It involved a slideshow of graphic pictures, a how-to video on YouTube which was then followed by a demonstration involving a banana, a condom and a cream-filled donut.
I shudder at the memory.
Luckily for them, my parents have it easy. I’ve never dated, and I don’t really see myself dealing with it at this point. It just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. I’d rather focus on my upcoming successful forensics career anyways.
Ben’s face flashes brightly through my mind before another thought replaces it…At least dead bodies can’t hurt you, either.
