Page 107 of Dissection of a Murder
I knew nothing about Quinn before that night. I had received a message from Jack earlier in the day saying he really needed to talk to me about something—I now guessed that must have been it. That wasn’t what concerned me, though.
The second Anton Smythe walked through that door, my defenses shot up. I knew if he saw me, it was over. He would recognize me, yes, but it would go beyond that.
He had the connections to destroy my entire world.
I’ve been in some sticky situations in my life; hell, I’d put myself into most of them. But it was standing there, my affair so close to being exposed, that I felt true terror. My limbs were shaking uncontrollably.
He wouldn’t leave. I watched as Anton got angrier and angrier. He picked up a knife from the countertop and waved it toward Jack. I saw the man I love raise his hands above his head to communicate he wouldn’t strike first, and my breath became heavy and fast.
I can’t lose him.
What if he gets hurt?
Anton isn’t going to stop.
And then, just as I’d feared, he lunged at Jack with the knife in his left hand.
It was instinct. I ran out from behind the door, out of the bedroom, and into the lounge. Yet more evidence of this new person I’d become. The old me wouldneverhave acted so impetuously. Everythinghetaught me had gone out of the window, and I was overcome by the ugly, messy, human emotions I’d never been allowed to experience before.
The problem with being human is that it leaves you vulnerable. And that is the one thing I was taught not to be.
This is why it’s easier to never love anyone. You can’t get hurt.
“Stop it!” I shouted. I don’t think I’d ever heard my voice sound like that before. I wasn’t playing a character. It was just me.
Jack knew I’d signed my death warrant as soon as he heard it. It was too late. I’d revealed myself. Anton looked genuinely shocked to see me. And then he smiled a kind of snarl as he looked me up and down, making sure I knew how much of a slut he thought I was.
For a moment, he seemed to have forgotten that only seconds ago, he was trying to kill someone.
“You know what?” he said, sneering. “I always knew people couldn’t trust you as far as they could throw you.”
And I was propelled back to being a nineteen-year-old girl, being treated like shit by Declan’s dad. That time, at least, I was preparedfor such an attack. The rules protected me. But in that moment with Anton, I was consumed by emotion. My thoughts were clouded by how I felt for another person.
It was in that moment I understood that abandoning the rules came with a cost, and that love was about to ruin my life.
54
Leila
R v Jack Millman
Day 2
11:05 a.m.
“She came outfrom the bedroom into the lounge,” Jack tells the court, everyone now gripped by his evidence.
“What was Anton’s response to this?” I ask him.
“He was shocked. Panicked.”
“Can you describe what you mean by this?”
“He backed away from me with the knife and…stared at her. He realized someone else had heard the conversation about Quinn.”
“Did he recognize X? Were they known to each other?”
Jack pauses for a few seconds. I can see he’s mulling something over.
