Page 125 of The Girl with a Thousand Faces
“We recognize that, and acknowledge with gratitude what you can give,” Mercy says, bowing low. “I know we have asked much already over the years, but can you help us one last time, Lady Kwun Yam?”
“That depends. What are you seeking?”
“I wish to set free the ghosts of this island.” Mercy is still bent forward with hands clasped. “To make amends to my niece, as much as I can. And to find my peace.”
“I see.” I come to stand in front of her, looming inhumanly tall in the semidarkness. “Do you understand, Chen Mei Chi, that this will mean the end of your existence in this life?”
There is a heartbeat of silence in the cavern, but Mercy is unfazed.
“I understand, yes,” she says, straightening up.
“And you’re still willing?”
Her shoulders rise and fall in a helpless shrug. “I’ve had a damn good life.Never easy, but always interesting, which is the best anyone can ask for. Though my death was cruel and unmourned, my existence can’t come at the expense of another’s pain. I want to give Siu Yin what I can.”
If you were human, there’d be a lump in your throat.
“Very good,” I say, pleased. “This act cannot give back the years lost, but her life can at least move forward, if you are both willing.” I turn to you. “How do you feel in all this, Sung Siu Yin? On the surface, what we do will be an easy task. But the truth is, forgiveness is never easy. The heart is afraid to let go. When hurt is all we’ve known, we are reluctant to relinquish it, and we fear to venture into unfamiliar lands.”
Your hands curl and uncurl, thoughts whirling in your head. It is, you find, easier to think clearly in this place, without the oppressive ghostly anger saturating every action or intent.
“I have done so much wrong,” you say, finally. “I can’t imagine an existence other than what I have.”
“Don’t be silly, niece,” Mercy says, reprovingly. “If you can fight in wars like a legend,andrun government offices,andwreak epic vengeance on your old auntie, then there is nothing you can’t do as a living woman. If that’s what you want.”
In the moment you are grateful water ghosts cannot cry.
“Let’s do it,” you whisper.
“Step into yourself, Siu Yin,” I say. “We will go from there.”
Look down at your body with a fresh and critical eye. See the lines on that face, the gray in that hair. The lightning scar up one arm. This form is a stranger to you, a different woman from the one you remember being.
Then your gaze falls on the tiny tiger charm bracelet. Though the cord of it has been replaced, the charm endures; a tiny yet physical link between past and present, death and life, you and Baba and Mei Chi.
It’s enough.
You step into your own skin, for the first time in thirty-three years.
Raw sensation floods you. The heart judders into rhythm, jolted by the invasion of a spirit. This body has a belly full of water, thanks to being dragged around through oceans. You roll over and throw that up at my feet. Gasp for air, taking in ragged breaths. The sensation of relief that comes with breathing has never gotten old, no matter how many times you’ve escaped into a skin.
Sit up. Examine your hands, touch your wrists and ears and nose. Is this home? Maybe. It was once, could be again. This does feel different, you realize, from other skins you’ve inhabited. There’s an underlying familiarity that resonates.
“I feel old.” Your own voice, coming out of your own throat. For the first time in so long. “This body has seen many years, and multiple injuries.” The left eye is still swollen shut from the beating your enforcers gave it; very uncomfortable.
Fifty-three isn’t old! There’s plenty of life left in it yet, Mercy says, a little defensively. Once again, her voice is but a watery echo in your mind.I never considered myself to be old, and you shouldn’t either. As for those injuries—they will heal. Probably.
“It’s fine, I was just commenting. I understand already that the life I could have had in my youth is gone forever, and I’ve accepted it.” Even as you say so, you really do accept it with quiet resignation. “I can only make the most of what comes.”
You stand shakily, feeling hollow and exhausted. This body has seen two deaths and a recent beating, in addition to its share of life, and is worn to the breaking point.
What now, goddess?Mercy asks.
“Now, the true work begins,” I say. “Mei Chi, step forward.”
She does, if a little anxiously.
“Little one, you once asked me to remember you, in the same breath that you cursed your own village and railed against all who lived on this island. Will you now revoke those words to forgive the friends and neighbors who played their part in your death, and let the village of Shek Ham Chau be at rest?”
