Page 117 of The Girl with a Thousand Faces
I’m so sorry… This is so complicated. There is a lot going on.
“Butwhatthe hell are you?” Erika sputtered, speaking at last. “A spirit?A goddess? Something worse? No, you can’t be evil, you’re… so lovely.” She blinked, as if shocked and embarrassed to have said that aloud.
Mercy understood. Her friend was not seeing a monster, starved and vicious and dangerous. In this driving rain, on the night of the Hungry Ghost Festival no less, the water ghost glamour was in full effect. To human eyes, she would be a vision of transcendent beauty.
The glamour wasn’t something she could turn off or on, like a switch. Still, it was useful. Erika might have been trying to kill her or running away, if not for that power. Mercy was oddly grateful that the curse had given her space to explain.
Let me show you, she said, kneeling down to Erika’s level, and pressed her forehead to Erika’s. As she had with Siu Yin, long ago, and as Siu Yin once had—partly—with Wing Yun.
A cascade of memories and emotions swamped the other woman. Only a few moments passed, but Mercy knew it would feel like much longer to Erika. She gave freely the story of all she had been and done as a child, and the betrayal committed against her niece. When it was done, she stepped back, giving her old friend space.
Erika gave a gasp and a cry, patting her face and body as if to check it was all still there. “Let me get this right… You’ve been a ghost in a stolen bodythis whole time? Ever since I’ve known you?!”
I’m so sorry, Erika. I never meant to deceive you. I did not know myself, until Thousand-Faced Girl “killed” me. Only when I died for a second time did my memories return.
Mercy paused, trying to gather her thoughts. There were too many to gather, though. It was like chasing down a yard full of baby pigs.
“Don’t speak to me like you know me!” Erika leaned away, palms pressed to her eyes. “You’re just some dead woman. Not the person I thought I knew!”
For a moment, Mercy was once again Sea Sister, standing in a dark cavern and hearing Siu Yin shriekYou are a ghost!The rage rose in her heart—
And she quashed it, hard. Patience. Peace. Self-assuredness. The things she had fought to cultivate in herself were the pillars she must lean on, and through sheer effort of will, her heart kept an even keel.
I amnotjust some dead woman, Mercy said quietly.I lived thirty-three years in that body. I had friends, have been a friend, survived war and death, saw poverty and brutality. I made a life, I made a difference. Haven’t you known me through all of that?
Even as she said it, the full weight of that truth settled on her like a blessing, a strength to draw upon. Her choices in the past had been monstrous, but she was capable of being human, and had been for years. Perhaps one day, she would be again.
The rage within calmed further. Even the ache in her lungs seemed to dull.
Bodies matter, but they are not the only thing that matters, Mercy continued.My life is the sum of the choices I have made. I am shaped by my skin, but not defined by it. I am a human, I am a woman, I am Mercy Chan. No matter how divorced my body is from my spirit, no matter what face I wear, this remains true.
A long moment of silence stretched while Mercy kneeled, waiting. Around them, the curious watchers seemed to have shut their curtains and gone in. If there was anyone to see a water ghost speaking to a woman in the street, they did not show themselves.
Erika took a ragged breath. “You don’t have to lecture me about souls and bodies feeling disconnected. I know all about that,” she said, gesturing to herself. “If anything, Chan, I could give you tips on coming to terms with it.”
Mercy laughed, or something approximating a laugh. It sounded like a child choking on seawater.
Erika reached across and squeezed her hand. “The Mercy Chan I knew was always smart, loyal, and a good friend. She was also bad at keeping in touch and perpetually short of money. That hasn’t changed, I guess. Even if you’re a ghost.”
Who are you calling short of money, Mercy huffed.My job made me wealthy, you sarcastic old bat! More than you ever made as a teacher.
It was Erika’s turn to burst out laughing, and a surge of joy ran through Mercy. It would be okay; her friend would not leave her, or reject her. The memory of Siu Yin fleeing tearfully seemed to ebb, and a tension she hadn’t been aware of eased from her shoulders.
The anger in her hadn’t been this soft since she first swam with her niece, all those years ago. Oddly, she felt that this might be a permanent change, as if the brittle sourness in her had sweetened.
“What will you do now?” Erika said, when her laughter subsided.
I don’t know.Mercy bowed her head.Everything that is happening is about me and her. It’s all my fault, all the bad shit in Kowloon and in Hong Kong—
“Oh, hell. Take a minute and sit down, will you?” Erika shifted from kneeling to a cross-legged position on the hard, puddle-laden concrete.
There’s no time—
“Sit, kid. Before I catch my death of chill out here.”
Mercy sighed, and joined her. They huddled shoulder-to-shoulder in the pounding storm, tarps and shutters and signs clattering in the ever-present wind, warm typhoon rain drenching both of them. Mercy’s old body—or rather, Siu Yin’s old body—slumped on the ground nearby, lifeless and cold.
“In all your years as a ghost talker, you always told me that the first step was for someone to just listen to a spirit. Most people are too busy being scared or hanging fu talismans to talk. That’s the difference between you and exorcists, and always has been.” Erika fished out a packet of soggy cigarettes from one pocket, grimaced in disappointment, and chucked it away. “I’m not trained, I don’t have your knack. But I have been your friend a long time, and now that you’re dead—again—I think you need me more than ever. Talk to me, Mercy. What do you want?”
