Page 114 of The Girl with a Thousand Faces
I tried to get back to her, she protested.I would never have chosen—
“Except ultimately, you lived in her body, for years and years. Whatever you meant or didn’t mean, the choices you made still had consequences. Intent does not excuse harm. The pain we carry does not negate the hurt caused. In the end, the path you chose to walk has led us here today.”
She stared at me, stricken.But I haven’t lived a bad life! I became a good person, didn’t I? The kind of good person I never had a chance to be as a child!
“You have been wonderful,” I told her, which was notpreciselytrue, but I wanted to be compassionate. “However, that goodness and that redemption came at the cost of another’s pain. The price of your peace was her death, and that is too high a cost.”
What aboutherchoices? Doesn’t Siu Yin bear any responsibility?
“Yes, she does. But right now, we are talking about you and your mistakes, and howyoumust move forward to set them right.”
I don’t know how, she said, flinging bony hands into the air.Where do I even start?
“With what’s in front of you,” I said. “Even as we speak, Siu Yin is working her way toward the Murray Building. She will scare off or kill those she encounters, and begin breaking free the surviving ghosts who are trapped, as she was once trapped.”
I mean. Is that part such a bad thing?Mercy asked, doubtfully.It’s not really a fate they deserve, is it?
“Freeing them would be kind. Freeing them as a rabid mob, without precautions or warnings, is dangerous and unhelpful.”
Fair enough, she said.I still don’t know what you want me to do, though. I have nothing. She has a city, months of planning, power, skins—
“You are the water ghost of Shek Ham Chau, who destroyed a village and summoned storms, and kept an entire island haunted!” My exasperation brimmed over. “Isn’t that power? You knew it, once, and wielded it ferociously. Won’t you use that strength for good?”
Are you joking me, goddess?she said, hands on hips.I can’t even get out of this pit!
“Oh, you will get out. Help is coming. That much I can promise. But that is why we must talk, now, while there is time.” I lifted my head, gazing through the grate at the world beyond. “Tell me, child. How do you feel?”
Her mouth opened and closed.What… what do you mean?
“Are you calm? Sane? Thinking straight?”
Of course, she said, then frowned.Ah, I see. You mean I don’t feel ghostly rage. Wait,whydon’t I feel ghostly rage?
“Because I am here. I am your goddess, and still have some hold on you, though my restraint cannot save you forever. When I go, your anger will return. Like the cycle of seasons, like the typhoons in summer, deathly fury will descend again. If you are not careful, you will lose yourself.”
I don’t want to lose myself, she said, anguished.I want to be… to stay… as a human. Emotionally, anyway.
“Then fight it,” I told her, simply. “You are capable of doing so.”
You don’t know that, she said.I could not control my rage as a child. You saw what I became!
“That was then, this is now. Thirty-three years you’ve had in this body; thirty-three years of memories, love, sadness, joy, long days and hard nights. As a child, you weren’t able to conquer your ghostly rage. As a woman, though, youmust. No excuses, Mercy Chan.”
She jerked like I’d slapped her.You don’t mince words much, for a goddess of compassion.
I chose not to comment on that. It would have been counterproductive toremind her of all the years I’d been patient and enduring. Besides, Iwasmincing words, and she just didn’t realize that.
Still, you’re not wrong, she added grudgingly, and I repressed a smile.
She always got there in the end, this one. Perhaps it was why I remained so fond of her, despite everything.
This is my to-do list, then.Mercy held up a finger.Get out of here, with help you say is coming.
“Itiscoming.”
Right.She held up a second finger.Next, conquer my impossible rage through sheer willpower.Third finger.Then save Kowloon from being demolished, and Hong Kong from being overrun. Somehow.Fourth finger.And finally, save my niece from herself, even though she hates me for murdering her.
“A concise yet accurate list.”
