Page 210 of Mr. Emotionally Unstable

“You didn’t marry him! That’s a fake wedding certificate!” Another older woman rushes into the room.

“Damn, how many wives you got, Ernie?” Fitz asks.

“Cake?” Ernie asks, grimacing. “I’m having a heart attack!”

“No, you’re not!” wife number two or three hollers. “You owe child support!”

“And you owe me alimony!”

“Trying to skip town, my ass.”

Ernie is summarily hauled out of the wedding.

“Well, damn.” Fitz looks around.

“You should have gone with Bob, Gran.”

“Dammit, he didn’t have as much money. Ain’t that just the way.” She tosses her bouquet on the ground.

“Well, I guess it’s all on us.” Fitz leans in to kiss me.

“Turns out I’m just like you.” Gran slaps Fitz on the ass. “A bigamist. Who would have thought.”

Fitz’s brothers look scandalized.

“I’m not ashamed of my past,” he tells them.

“You know what? I think I will actually move in with you,” I tell Fitz.

“Yeah? Well, only if I get to kidnap you out of your house.”

“I will go willingly.”

He leans in. “I love you.”

“I love you,” I whisper and let him twirl me around the dance floor filled with confused guests.

Gran’s trying to get her dress back on while Mom complains loudly and assures Fitz that normally, our family does not act like this at black-tie events.

I go over to the cake.

“Isn’t this bad luck to cut someone else’s wedding cake?” he asks as I pick up the knife.

“I baked this cake and decorated it.” I smear frosting on his mouth and kiss it off. “And I’m going to eat it off the man I love if I want to.”