Page 56 of The No Try Zone
My shoulders relax. “Thank you.”
“So?” she prompts. “Tell me everything.”
I take another bite of sad chicken and chew. “Do you know that I’m still not sure we’re even married?”
Her eyes narrow. “I thought you two talked about it.”
“Oh, we did. I don’t know if he even knows, to be honest. And at some point we’re going to have to figure that part out.”
“But that’s not why you’re eating sad chicken.”
I huff out a laugh. “Correct.”
“What happened?” she asks sympathetically.
And maybe it’s because Kari is never soft, but her question unlocks something deep inside me. I finally admit the very thing I’ve been terrified was going to happen.
“I think I have feelings for him,” I whisper, my lower lip trembling. “And I…don’t think it’s going to end well.”
She reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “Lay it on me. We’ll figure this out.”
Chapter20
Colin
IFUCKING HATE that couch.
It absolutely haunts me. All I see when I look at it is Sam laid out, needy and raw. All I hear are her soft moans. I swear I can still smell her perfume when I walk past it.
I thought the Christmas break would help. A full week apart from her while I visited my mom and sister in Vermont should have been the antidote I needed.
It wasn’t.
My sister knew something was off, but she didn’t push. And even though I was desperate to talk to her, we were both too busy being the perfect siblings for Mom, who was deteriorating way faster than Erin had let on. Whenever it was just the two of us, the only real topic we talked about was caring for Mom.
“You can’t control this, Colin,” she’d said with a roll of her eyes. “The money you send is too much.”
“Because you won’t move down with me,” I countered.
“She doesn’t want to leave.”
Arguing was pointless. Rather than going around and around with my sister, I’d spent my time fixing things around the house and doing everything in my power to make life as comfortable for Mom, and as easy for Erin, as I could. But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Talking with the physical therapist who came every day to help Mom, and insisting she keep me informed on a weekly basis, wasn’t enough.
And underneath all of it was the unbearable knowledge of Sam.
Sam, who seems to be a totally different person around me now. We’ve been back from break for a week, and she couldn’t be more professional if she tried. She’s just…I can’t put my finger on it.
She smiles at me, and it’s the exact same smile she gives everyone else. The one that I know isn’t genuine. Not really. But even still, she’s more visible than I’ve ever seen her, even showing up on the pitch to watch Xavier and offer suggestions to keep him from injury.
She’s handling this better than me, that’s for sure.
I glare at the couch, then pull out the blanket that Kari brought up from the bowels of the building the Monday after our break. Said it was cold in my office and tossed a bag on my desk in the most unceremonious gift-giving move I had ever seen.
It’s a fleece Granite blanket, the logo emblazoned across it. I drape it across the couch, hoping it’ll give me some relief. Maybe if evidence of my actual job is staring at me from those damn cushions, I won’t think of the beautiful woman I’d been lucky enough to have on it.
I snort. Fat fucking chance.
But I know I did the right thing. Stepping away from her and focusing on the team has been beneficial for both of us. It seems to have been more than beneficial for her, in fact.
