Page 101 of Worth the Try
“Exactly,” he says, cutting me off. “You don’t know. You couldn’t have helped.”
“Because I love you, Ansel!” Oh. Holy crap. The words came out. They came out! I can’t help the smile that forms as I say the words again. “Because I love you. Because we’re a team. Because everything we’re doing here is supposed to bewith each other.”
He blinks at me, shaking his head. “You say thatnow? Seriously?”
“Probably not the best timing,” I admit. “Guess we’re the same that way.”
“Elodie.” My name is an exhale as he drags his hand through his hair.
My stomach twists.This is what happens when you tell people you love them. They reject you.I shove the thought away, focused on Ansel. I’ve just told my mother to go to hell. I can face this. “We can do this. We can get through this together as a team.”
He’s not having it. “Unbelievable. How could you possibly know anything about being on a team? Nothing in your life has been calibrated for that. I’m not saying that’s exactly your fault—pageants are decidedly a one-person thing—but, Elodie. There’s no team here. None.”
I swallow down the tears. “You know that’s not true. You know I’m trying.”
“Do I?” He leans forward in his chair. “Here’s what I know. I have spent the past five years busting my ass to be the best father I can be. I have read more books on parenting than is probably healthy. I have accepted every damn sponsorship that comes my way and shoved it into a college savings account because I amterrifiedthat I’ll get hurt and lose everything and won’t be able to provide for my little girl. I have let one nanny after another take care of my daughter because I haven’t had a choice. And then I finally think I’m going to catch a break this summer, but no. Of course not. And you waltz in.”
My whole body trembles as slick, oily dread courses through me. He can’t mean this. The coldness in his eyes—that’s just fear. It’s not about me.
He keeps going. “I had it all under control. Barely, and it sure as fuck wasn’t perfect, but we were making it. And then you come in and upend everything. You let both of us fall for you, just in time for Lauren to come in and use you as aweapon. For her to take aim and threaten everything that is good and precious in my entire fucking world. You can’t possibly understand what it feels like to face down the threat of losing your daughter. You can’t possibly know what it’s like for your entire heart to exist outside of your body and run around in pigtails. You cannot begin to feel the absoluteterrorI have at the thought of that snake taking my daughter. So, no. No, you can’t help. No, we aren’t a team. And no, we won’t get through this together.”
Every word is a blow. Each sentence a punch that he isn’t pulling. And as I stand before him, his voice growing increasingly harsh as he lashes out from behind his desk, all I can think about is the last thing that Jeremy said to me.
I can’t love someone who can’t give me a child.
And here I am, finally able to tell a different man that I love him, having already loved his daughter the moment I laid eyes on her, only to have him rip her away from me, too.
You should have begged Jeremy to keep you, babies or no babies.
Just because you can’t have your own children doesn’t mean you steal someone else’s.
I won’t apologize.
I try to stand straight. I try to square my shoulders. And I really,reallytry not to cry. But I fail on all three counts, and the despair and loathing I feel for myself is stratospheric. I simply nod, tears streaming down my face. I grit my teeth together and meet his eyes one last time. “Okay. I understand.”
Chapter 36
Ansel
Fuck.
Chapter 37
Elodie
Kari’s eyes widen when she opens the door. “Elodie? What’s going on?”
“It’s over,” I manage to get out between hiccuping sobs. “Me and Ansel. I told him I loved him, and it’s over. And I told my mother to go to hell.”
“Youwhat?” She looks me over, taking me in. The massive bag hanging off one shoulder, the cat carrier in the other hand, the tear-streaked face that I didn’t bother washing, the pajamas I’m still in because I didn’t bother changing.
Once I ran upstairs, I threw everything I could into a bag and got out of there quickly. I didn’t want to face Rosie. I was already in a bad headspace, and seeing her would have absolutely destroyed me.
I take a deep breath and try to focus my thoughts. “I told him I loved him, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me,” I sob. “It’s all my fault. All of this—everything that’s happened—is all my fault, Kari!”
Her face falls. “Oh, no, sweetheart. No. Come in, come in.”
I step over the threshold, and she takes the carrier out of my hands to let Cleocatra out. The cat yowled the entire drive over, and I truly wasn’t sure if she was angry about the car ride orthat I’d lured her away from a still-sleeping Rosalie’s bed. Kari unlatches the door, and Cleo’s calico head pops out, her pink nose sniffing the air.
