Page 107 of Worth the Try
Ansel looks terrible. Much worse than yesterday, with sallow-looking skin and hair in disarray. His beautiful caramel eyes have lost their sparkle, and they gaze back at me with trepidation.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask. “I mean, I know Rosie just took off in there, but I can go get her if?—”
“I want to,” he says softly. “If you’ll have me.”
I take a deep breath. Despite the flowers and balloons, I’m still not sure what this conversation is really going to entail. “Okay.”
He follows me in, still holding the mylar balloons as they clunk against each other while we make our way to the living room. “Is Kari here?”
I shake my head as I get a good look at the balloons. “My condolences?”
He shrugs and gives me a shy smile. “Rosie insisted on three balloons, and since there wasn’t one that saidI’m sorry, she decided that this one would work.”
“Of course she did.” I can’t help but be amused.
“I tried convincing her thatHappy Birthdaymight be better, but.” He shrugs again. “Obviously, they’re for you. So are the flowers.” He gestures at the bunches in her hand. “Want me to take them and put them in water?”
“Um, no. Just hang on, and I’ll go do that.”
I leave him there, shifting on his feet as I go to the kitchen and find a pitcher to fill and put the bouquets in.
Ansel is winding the balloons together and trying to get them to stay put in a corner of the living room when I return. He’s sweating.
My mouth quirks up as a spark of hope flares to life inside me. “Doyouneed water, too?”
He hesitates, then gestures awkwardly at the couch. “No, thanks. Can we sit?”
We sit.
“I’m sorry,” he blurts. “I’m so fucking sorry, Elodie.”
I stare, unable to believe it.
“Hang on. I need—” He blinks rapidly, swaying a bit.
Jumping up, I say, “I think youdoneed water. Hold on.”
I’m back in moments, handing him a glass of water that he gulps down like a man on fire. When was the last time he ate? Once I’m sure he’s okay, I sit back down in front of him.
He works his jaw, seeming to wrestle with himself before finally settling on a path forward. “This morning, I woke up at the butt-crack of dawn to tackle coach business. I emailed all the agents at once and then I emailed all the reporters at once. I’m through. I’ve had enough of being distracted, because all it’s done is made things worse. I don’t know that any of it could have stopped the looming custody battle, but I’m tackling one thing at a time. This morning was rugby business. Now, my actual life gets attention.” He pauses. “Youare my actual life, Elodie. You and Rosie.
“You are nothing I expected,” he continues. “When we talked that first day, I had no idea—I couldn’t possibly fathom—that we’d end up like this.” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “Elodie, meeting you has been one of my life’s greatest joys. You are exactly what I needed. You push me, you challenge me, you make me a better man. You make me a better father. And I can’t imagine my life without you.”
Oh.Oh.“Ansel,” I breathe.
He pulls my hands into his, his expression hopeful. “I was out of line yesterday.Wayout of line. I’ve been under a lot of pressure, but that doesn’t excuse the way I behaved. Getting that custody summons was…fuck, that’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I bite my lip. “I just wanted to help.”
“I know.” He squeezes my hands, then brings them up to kiss them. “I’m still learning to accept help. Same as you,” he teases gently, raising a scarred eyebrow.
Can he really mean this? “I don’t know if we should…do whatever it is we’re doing. Your words yesterday?—”
“Were utter and complete crap,” he admits. “Hurtful, and untrue.”
I study him. “Maybe, but the fact is…” I stop, look away. Swallowing, I meet his gaze again. “I love that little girl so much it’s terrifying. But I’m not her mother, Ansel. I’ll never be her mother. And if Lauren?—”
“Fuck Lauren,” he growls, making me flinch at the harsh tone. Gentler, he says, “You’ve acted more like her mother in the past months than her own ever did. Rosie’s never had a mother, Elodie. And I’m not apologizing in some misguided attempt to get you to watch my kid. I’m here because I love you. I love you so much that it takes my breath away. I love you foryou.Your laughter. Your heart. I love you for the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh. For the love on your face when you look atmy daughter. I love your freckles—seriously, I can’t get enough of those.” He quirks a smile. “And I love that you grade Rosie’s cannonballs more harshly than I do. I love that you’re building your business and not hesitating for one second about it. I love how you’re learning the rules of rugby, even though you keep calling me a half-fly instead of a fly-half.”
