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No response.

• • •

Two days later.

Cassian. Please.

Read.

No response.

I leave a voice memo.

I don’t remember everything I said.

I remember the end of it.

I don't know what I did. I don't know whats happening. I just — please. Please just tell me we’re okay. Tell me I didn't imagine all of it. Please, I love you. Please.

• • •

He doesn’t respond.

I spend a Saturday in my room.

Curtains closed.

Pills on the desk.

Phone in my hand checking for a notification that doesn’t come.

• • •

This is how it happens.

That’s what I know now.

Not all at once.

Just — days like this.

One and then another and then another until the space between them disappears and it’s just one long day with no light in it.

Mara knocks.

I don’t answer.

She sits outside my door for an hour.

I can see the shadow of her feet under it.

She doesn’t leave.

Eventually I open the door.

She’s on the floor with her back against the wall and her laptop and two cups of coffee.

She looks up at me.