Victor had come up here to kill me.
Strange, I almost felt numb. I always thought I’d be like that guy in the garage when faced with my own demise. But I didn’t cry. I didn’t freak out like I was thinking of in the elevator.
I just raised my chin high to ask, “May I at least have a weapon? A knife or something to defend myself?”
Victor looked at me like I was crazy.
“Dawn…” he started to sign.
“I know I don’t stand a chance,” I interrupted before he could finish. “But I don’t want to go out on my knees. If I die like that other guy, I want to go down fighting, not crying. Though, obviously, this makes me totally sad.”
It was a masochistic request. I knew how Victor operated. I’d seen it in graphic detail downstairs. He’d probably just make me turn around and put a bullet in my head. But I had to try. I thought of my parents. How they’d never know for sure what had happened to me after I ran away. They deserved better than a daughter who didn’t at least fight until the end.
“Dawn,” he signed again. “I’m not going to give you a weapon.”
Of course, he wasn’t. No surprise there. And still no tears. Maybe this was what I deserved for loving so hard and so stupid.
I ruined everything. Including my life. In the space of a few minutes. I should turn around and let him have the life Red Diamond was demanding. Just give up.
“But I liked your first plan,” Victor signed before I could. “I choose your plan.”
20
I choose your plan.
I blinked, not understanding. Not quite able to believe what he just signed. “You’re…you’re going to let me go home and pretend like I never saw anything?”
“I'm going to let you stay with me,” Victor corrected, his eyes soft and bemused. “You will stay with me here until we finish school. And then, we will go to America together. You will attend RhIDS, and I will attend Tufts. Like before. But not like before.”
Oh, my God. He chose me. He chose me over Red Diamond.
I got to live.
Even better, I got to be with the boy I love in America.
I should have felt relieved. Elated even.
Still, I hesitated to respond. He was saying everything I thought I wanted to hear. But his face was a careful blank. One I recognized. That was the expression he made when there was something he wasn’t telling me.
“I still love you. Do you still love me?” He signed after too many moments of me not responding. His expression…it was so many things. Angry, impatient, desperate. Like everything hinged on my answer to that question.
Maybe it did. I wanted to answer yes, to finally make some peace after this terrible night. But… “If I answered yes, how would you know if I was saying that only because I don’t want to die?”
A long beat of silence. Then he signed back, “I wouldn't know. I could never know for sure.”
We looked at each other, that truth resonating.
I hadn't cried when I suspected that my life was essentially over. But now, hot tears burned behind my eyes.
“Dawn, sit down,” he signed. His expression was grave.
I did as ordered, taking a seat on the couch. It was a nice one. No lumps from overuse. If I hadn't seen it so many times before when I’d entered Victor's apartment, I would assume it was brand-new.
Victor sat down beside me, not seeming to care about staining the sparkling white couch with his bloody suit.
I waited for him to berate me. For coming over here, for witnessing what I saw, for asking all the hard questions as opposed to just taking what he had offered.
I wish I could play along. I wanted to play along. But I didn't know how to with this hard suspicion buzzing in the back of my brain.
“My father said I had to choose. Between my triad and you. I choose you. But that choice comes with consequences,” he confessed. “The only way my father will allow us to be together is if we get married. So that he can trust you will keep our secrets.”
I shook my head, not understanding, “We have to get married? When?”
“As soon as we arrive in the States. Tokyo Progressive’s graduation ceremony is in a few weeks. I’d need a few weeks to make all the arrangements and get all of the documents I’ll need to live with you in the United States. But I looked it up, and the Providence Town Hall has same-day ceremonies. So we could get married a few days after we arrived. Say, May 25th.”
My heart thrilled at the thought of marrying him….then sank.
“But we’re so young,” I pointed out. “And I don’t want you to have to marry me. It will always feel like I’ve ruined your life.”
