Page 72 of Godslayer
“Do you trust me?” Finn asks.
And again, I hesitate.
“Jasina?”
“Yeah. I do.” But it’s not even close to convincing.
Finn doesn’t miss this. “Ya know what? You have every right not to trust the Finn Scott you met in Tau City, but you actually have no right not to trust the Finn Scott you’ve been traveling with for weeks. I’ve done everything for you.”
He’s right. He’s absolutely right. But… Clara. Maybe she looks like her, maybe it was a trick of the light—but it’s not her.
But it doesn’thaveto be her.
It just needs to be theideaof her.
And I’m jealous.
That’s what this is.
Jealousy.
But haven’t I earned the right to be jealous? He’s mine now. The father of our child. He’sminenow. And if we stay here and let this god pull us in to whatever stupid game he’s playing, he won’t be mine anymore.
Not unless he chooses me. And right now, he’s not choosing me. He wants to stay. So that’s it. Because clearly this god is not going to let me leave without Finn, and now that he’s captured Finn’s imagination, Finn is staying.
There’s only one thing left for me to do—at least for now. And that’s… give in. “Fine,” I sigh. “Maybe you’re right. I should go rest.”
I didn’t respond to his accusation about trust, and I can tell that Finn would like me to. But he doesn’t make me. Probably figuring we can hash it out in private later.
And I don’t care, anyway.
I’ve lost this battle. It’s very clear that I’ve lost. But there will be others. Live to fight another day or… something like that.
That’s what a good little Rebel would do.
This isn’t giving in, it’s strategy.
Because I am nothing if not a good little Rebel.
We descend the stairs,walking side by side. Me clutching Finn’s arm as he and the god Xi discuss all manner of things as if I am not here. In their defense, I’m deliberately staying out of the conversation. I’ve decided that the less I say right now, the better it will be later.
Also—reluctantly—I do have to admit that I am exhausted, and this long walk down the stairs only highlights that.
Instead of going outside, Xi takes us down to an underground level, where we end up in a tunnel.
“This is nicer,” Xi says, talking to me now. “It’s such a mess outside. But this tunnel takes us over to the Maiden District. You’re familiar with that tower. And you’ve already tried out the beds.”
Oh my god. He saw us. This thing was watching Finn and me. Watching us have sex. What a creep.
“Don’t worry,” I catch Xi telling Finn. “She won’t be staying in the dorm. I have a nice room for the two of you.”
By this time, we’ve reached the end of the tunnel and are ascending a flight of stairs. They open up to the back of theMaiden Tower lobby, which is furnished with all the luxury the Maidens in Tau City are known for.
Finally, we end up at yet another staircase, and upon realizing there will be another climb, I sigh.
“Wanna piggyback ride?”
I look up at Finn, smiling. Was it years ago that we were joking about him carrying me? Or this morning? I can’t tell. “I’ll be OK.”
