Page 55 of Sparktopia
I guess, if I have to die tonight at the hands of an angry god inside a tower, my last day could be worse.
So I come up with my own good memory for him to hold on to. “My good time was when we were fourteen. I was just starting to get over the death of my mother and I asked you to be my date for the Pledge Gala in my second year.”
His face goes sad, which throws me for a moment. Because it was such a great night for me. So great that it never even occurred to me that he didn’t have a good time.
“Sorry—did you not have fun?”
His eyes go wide with surprise. “What?”
“It’s just… your immediate response came across as… sad.”
He exhales, but looks me in the eyes. “I had forgotten about that night. But no, it wasn’t sad. It was… heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… it was the perfect night. It was our first real kiss. It was the first time we went up to the wall after hours.”
“That was the part I liked. The first kiss was amazing, of course. Because it was with you and it was everything. But that midnight walk on the wall, under the stars and looking out at thesand was everything. Especially the way you held my hand.” I shrug. “I felt like a princess that night in my gala dress. And you were all dressed up too. Like my prince. And it was gonna last forever, Finn. That’s how I felt that night. Why did it break your heart?”
He hesitates for a moment.
“What? Tell me.”
I can tell he doesn’t want to, but after a breath for courage, he does. “That night, after I took you home, after that first kiss outside your door, I left and I was a hundred percent certain that I was gonna lose you.”
“Why?”
“Because you were so perfect, and so beautiful, and… there was no way that the god would pass you up over someone second best. I was sure you’d be Chosen, and I was absolutely sure you’d be number one. So I went home, crying. And my father, he kept asking me what was wrong.”
“And you told him.”
Finn nods. “I told him.”
“And I was Chosen. But I wasn’t number one, because your father would never break your heart like that. I was number nine, so it wasn’t so obvious. And now look at me. It’s my turn to walk into that tower. It’s like… that stupid god knew we cheated him. And this is his revenge.”
Finn doesn’t say anything. He knows I’m right. He knows this is true.
Maybe I’m just making things up to justify my bad luck, or whatever. Maybe I’m making myself more important than I should. Maybe this is my ego, trying to explain things in a way that puts me in the center. Trying to force it all to make sense and have purpose.
But I don’t think so.
I think his gut feeling was true. That I was meant to be number one from the very beginning and the whole reason all the girls were called into that tower was because Aldo cheated and made me nine. And that god took it personal.
So this is nothing more than my destiny, finally being fulfilled.
“What will you do, Finn? What will you do with the rest of your life once I’m gone?”
His response is immediate. “What will Ido? I will getrevenge, Clara. I will fuck that god over six ways to Sunday and I will make him pay for taking you away from me.”
This is the end of the conversation. Even if he didn’t tug me up close to his chest and let me bury my face in his neck, it would still be the end.
Because there’s really nothing more to say.
It’s over.
It’s well and truly over.
We sleep for a little while.Doze, really. I have a million things running through my mind, so sleeping isn’t even possible. And even the dozing comes with weird half-dreams filled with nonsensical images feeding off my fear and sadness.
