Page 81 of Within Striking Distance
“You saved her.”
He shakes his head. “She didn’t see it that way.”
My pulse races. My head spins. This is too much.
“I found her.”
Silence stretches between us.
“She didn’t care enough about us to stay.” His desperate gaze meets mine, and my heart cracks open. “I couldn’t save her.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I was fucked up over it for so long. It messed up my life, and I messed up Tori’s.” His voice is thick with emotion. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I ruined yours and Tinsley’s, but I’m too far gone to walk away.” He swallows, his eyes dropping to our joined hands. “Unless you tell me you want nothing to do with me. I wouldn’t blame you.”
My mind reels, trying to process everything and make sense of my feelings all at once. This is too much. I was prepared to tell him everything that happened in mymarriage and deal with his reaction to that, but I wasn’t prepared for him to meet my trauma with his.
What he went through is horrible, and I know it’s been eating him up inside. Part of me feels selfish for being overwhelmed, while the other part feels a deeper connection from our shared experiences. We’re both survivors of abuse, but we’re also still dealing with our own scars. Is it possible to build something steady on foundations that still shake?
His confession doesn’t scare me. I’m not worried about him hurting me or Tinsley. My concern is whether he can handle being in our lives, knowing Edward is still a part of it.
Edward’s not a ghost I can exorcise. He’s not a chapter I can rip out and pretend never existed. He’s Tinsley’s father—Everett’s father—and there’s a high chance Blake will cross his path at some point. I trust him with my heart, but can he control the ghosts of his past?
His instinct will always be to protect, but we don’t need a hero charging into battle for us, trying to balance some invisible scale or seek vengeance for what happened in my marriage. We need someone who will show up when we need them and give us stability and safety. I need to know that when he eventually comes face-to-face with my ex-husband, he won’t see the ghost of his father. He won’t let his rage and trauma define him and get him into trouble that can’t be passed off as a child protecting his mother.
I open my mouth, but I can’t find the words to express the jumble of thoughts swirling through my head. I want to tell him to stay, that nothing’s changed between us, but that wouldn’t be the truth. We both need time to absorb everything we shared and not rush into anything. That’snever worked out for me before, and it’s not just me anymore. Any decisions I make here affect Tinsley… and Everett.
When I don’t speak, Blake releases a heavy sigh, pulling his hand away and running it through his hair.
“I don’t blame you, pixie. Not after hearing what you went through. I’ll keep my distance. If Tinsley’s at the house with Everett, I’ll stay with one of our teammates.” He clears his throat, dragging his eyes up to mine. “I don’t regret our time together. You’re the best thing to have come into my life.”
He leans in and presses his lips to my forehead.
My vision blurs with unshed tears. “Blake, I?—”
“It’s okay, pixie,” he murmurs. “I understand.”
Only he doesn’t.
I’m not pushing him away; I’m giving us space.
But I don’t know how to put it into words.
I miss his presence when he stands, and I want to reach for him, but I force myself to remain where I am. His footsteps echo through the silence, and when the door closes behind him, my body collapses against the cushions, and I break down, the tears coming fast and heavy.
Bringing my knees up to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and bury my head.
When I finally pull myself together, I reach for my phone. It rings twice before the call connects.
“Quinn,” I sob. “I need you.”
Chapter 23
Blake
For the first time in eighteen months, I skip training.
After I leave Juliet’s, I switch my phone to do not disturb and drive out to Eagle Peak, hiking up to the summit. My chest aches, but not from exertion. I knew my past would be hard for her to accept, but I hadn’t factored in her own trauma with abuse. The parallel between what we both went through sits heavy in my gut.
