Page 96 of The Moon Blessed King
‘Are you going to live for ever?’ Fen asks. ‘Am I?’
‘No,’ Zinnitzia says. ‘Not for ever.’ She reaches out a hand and very gently cups Fen’s cheek. ‘You will live until you no longer wish to do so any longer, until you feel you have no more to give to this world. Then you will lie down and ask the earth to take you back, and Death will come for you like she comes for everyone else. It’s your choice to go on, Fen. That, too, is another test.’
‘How many tests are there?’
‘A limitless amount. That is what it means to exist. You will be tested, same as everyone else in this world, for all the rest of your long life. Sometimes, they will even take the shape of a strong-willed girl who is so close to understanding the truth but who you can never properly speak to or guide.’ Zinnitzia lets her hand fall to her lap. ‘I’m sorry I was so cruel to you, Fen. Much of what I said and did, you did not deserve.’
‘Some of it I did,’ Fen allows. Zinnitzia smiles. Nods.
‘Some of it you did, but much…you did not.’
‘One day, if I meet a kid like me…I’ll know what not to do, at least,’ Fen offers charitably. Zinnitzia laughs. It’s a nice sound. She rests her head on Zinnitzia’s shoulder, and Zinnitzia holds her close. So much time has been wasted on Hamad and his games, his coupand his attempt at regency, and all of it, in the end, would not have stopped upon Elician’s return.
Someone like Hamad didn’t plan that hard, for that long, to then bow to another man. Maybe it would have taken time, a few more years, perhaps, but eventually, Hamad would have made it so Elician would lose his seat too, turning a whole nation against their king who apparently fled while illness plagued them.
‘Have we heard anything from Alelune yet?’ Fen asks.
‘Not yet,’ Zinnitzia replies. ‘Not yet.’
Fen closes her eyes and wills herself to believe:not yet, but soon.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Fenlia
The peak of the plague ends in the weeks following Hamad’s failed coup. Rodans meets with Fen the day Lio plans to escort Kassandra and Aniya back to Himmelsheim, and he apologizes to her. He apologizes to her for a lot. ‘I didn’t know what my father was doing.’
‘You’ll need to prove that in court, I’m sure,’ Fen replies.
‘I’m so sorry for what he did—’
‘Yes,’ she agrees. ‘Me too.’
‘I’ll testify, anything they need to know—’ It’s on the tip of her tongue to remind him: he was in Altas the whole time. What could he possibly have known? But it is not her place to plan his defence. It is his own responsibility to do so on his own.
‘Good luck,’ she offers him. ‘I hope you prove to be loyal.’ This, she thinks, is his great test now. She wonders what else the future will bring.
She leaves him, then, unable to bear speaking to him anymore. She returns to her butcher shop. To her bodies of dying civilians and the smell and grime of it all. Cieli meets her, and together, they heal the sick. Fen wonders if she could do it on her own. ‘Are you all right?’ Cieli asks.
‘Yeah,’ Fen agrees. ‘Just…a lot happened. And…thank you…for not asking questions when I asked you to help me hide a body.’
‘Well, you asked for trust, did you not?’
‘I appreciate it. I…I needed to know who else was involved, I needed Hamad to commit. And I could only do that if I could appear to prove my loyalty to him, so…’
‘I understand. It is not so easy being an intelligencer, is it?’
‘I don’t think I’m very good at it.’
‘You said once that your father was a spy, didn’t you?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I could teach you. When this is done. If you would like to do better. If you would like to improve. I could teach you. It would mean staying out of sight, learning how to blend in when everything about you is naturally predisposed to standing out. But it also requires one thing you have more than anything else.’
‘Stubbornness?’
‘Loyalty, Fen. You proved your loyalty. And that,thatwill help you succeed.’
