Page 73 of The Moon Blessed King
‘No,’ Zinnitzia agrees. ‘It does not. But you must be the one to teach them anyway.’
‘They hate me. All of them hate me.’
‘And you may blame yourself for some of that. You rejected the Givers’ overtures of friendship when you first arrived in Kreuzfurt and disdained the Reapers for their very existence. So yes, many do not like you and may never like you. But you will need to work with them anyway. That’s what it means to be a member of a society, and it is time you learned how to do that properly.’
She is not wrong. Fen was hateful, furious, even cruel when she arrived in Kreuzfurt. She loathed the idea of being a Giver, of being pulled away from the capital and the promise of being a true and proper princess. She didn’t want to make friends or be a part of their community. Not at first. It was only after the months went by, and she realized she would never have anything else, that she did try to engage with her fellow Givers. But by then, none would have anything to do with her, preferring to openly mock her many failings.
She never tried again. As for the Reapers…she never gave them a chance.
‘Why would any of them listen to me?’ Fen asks, chest aching as the crushing weight of anxiety and despair presses down upon her. This is her nightmare, her greatest fear: being responsible for healing others and holding lives in her hands. She killed a girl once by failing to save her life. How can she be held responsible for helping people now?
‘Because thisisyour talent, Your Highness. You can heal the dead. You’re the one who started this, who has studied this, who can do this naturally. You’re the one who needs to lead it.’
‘Why can’t you do it? You know how too.’
‘Because I have already learned the lesson, Fen, and this lesson isn’tforme. It has to be you.’
‘What lesson? People aredying!’
‘Yes. And still, there is a lesson.’ Zinnitzia releases Fen’s hand. She looks down at her, lips pressed tight. She takes a long deep breath in, lets it out. ‘Fen, if I could tell you the answer, I would. But I can’t.’
‘That’s a shit teaching method. How am I meant to learn anything if I don’t know what I’m meant to learn?’
‘No one knows who they’re meant to be when they’re growing up, Fen. Even as an adult, the future is an unknown thing. Discovering the mystery is only part of the puzzle. The journey is the rest. You will understand, one day, and when you do, you’ll find that there are still questions left unanswered. The parts of you that will make up the person you’ll be twenty or fifty years from now are still unfound. When you find them, they will feel like home, but until your hand grasps them as your own, they are weightless and meaningless. No one can give them to you. You must discover them on your own.’
She looks sad, Fen thinks.Sad, and a little sorry.Zinnitzia has never once apologized for anything. She has never looked remorseful or uncertain. She has sneered and bellowed and hissed cruel words.
Now, she looks down at Fen and her eyes seem wet, her posture weary.
‘They will fight you and they will hate you, and they will have no reason to listen, but that too is part of the journey. And it is one they are on too, because they don’t know the answer either. And it’s why we’re all here, now, together.’
‘How will I know when I know the answer?’ Fen asks.
Zinnitzia’s smile is a sorrowful thing, mired with the weight of thousands of years of meddling in the affairs of Life and Death. ‘You’ll know because it will feel as though every unanswered question in your life has led to that moment of clarity, and nothing else will ever be the same again.’
Fen is not sure she wants to know what Zinnitzia insists she learn.
But, likewise, Fen doubts that she has a choice. The challenge is already upon them and there is no path around the test. She can only dive into its depths and hope she emerges on the other side.
PART IV
Nightcat follows Death until it cannot any longer. It has grown old and slow and too tired to walk. It lies under the moon’s rays, and it sits with its head on its paws. Death comes to it and asks, ‘Do you know now all there is to know?’
‘I know all there is for me to know,’ Nightcat replies.
‘There is much you do not yet know, though,’ Death argues.
‘Of course, but I am satisfied. I am content. I am ready to take your hand.’
Death considers this for a long while, then approaches Nightcat. She holds her hand to it, and it presses its head to her. She claims Nightcat’s soul, and she releases it to Life as she does with all souls which pass into her care.
Life cradles this soul, this precious soul who stood as friend to Death, and lets it return to the world to live and choose a new form. He watches, curious as to what form a soul that claims to have known everything there is to know will take.
Some souls take their time. Some souls are uncertain. For some, the choice is hard.
But Nightcat’s soul chooses swiftly and with little hesitation. It settles into the bones of a new life, and it opens its eyes to the world free of uncertainty or doubt. Long legs and grey-white fur soon find their place at Death’s side once more.
‘What are you?’ Death asks. ‘And what will you do?’
