Page 50 of Chasing Ruin
She holds my gaze a second longer. “The sooner you forget those years,” she says evenly, “the better.”
Fuck.
EIGHTEEN
Charlotte
I can’t look away. I can’t. Ruin’s face has twisted into something so brutally pained I’m unable to avert my gaze.
A blaring scream goes off in my head, two words crashing into each other over and over.
No. Why?
What’s more alarming is he isn’t even trying to hide behind his usual smirks and tight smiles. His throat keeps bobbing as if he’s swallowing something heavy, struggling with something I don’t want to name. His brows furrowed in agony.
The realization settles in my chest anyway. It has been hovering for days now. The dreadful conclusion.
God! This man has somehow deluded himself into believing he has… feelings for me. Like I did back then.
“I…” He manages a broken syllable.
I’ve never seen Ruin this rattled and defeated. It’s doing something ugly in my nervous system. Like wanting to swat away a mosquito that keeps buzzing in your ear.
I’m also not sure if I like how utterly mean my thoughts are becoming. That’s not me. It’s never been me.
“Anyway,” I say, my voice surprisingly steady despite the rage still lingering in my chest. “I’d rather you just… do the protection thing, and keep your hands to yourself.”
He nods, still somehow managing to look completely devastated. I start to think it’s an act. A grand act to what?
Fuck. I can’t think around him looking like this. So I pace away, as I have been for the past few hours. My legs are constantly restless. What with the compound being hit.
I recall the moment Ruin got off the phone with Hound. The way his mouth moved on the words,‘Heath was shot.’How my entire body surrendered to the fact that a club war has broken out possibly because of me.
I know Ruin and Wolf keep saying none of this is my fault. Then why was Glory at my doorstep last week? Why was she with two Hell’s Army brothers, whipping out the old intimidation tactics?
Nothing makes sense. The dots keep getting scattered way too quickly for anyone to connect. And I’m here, at the mercy of my former family—useless. A powerless target they want to protect.
All the iterations of the‘why me?’questions fade when I startle at Ruin’s voice. “I—I promise not to make you uncomfortable,” he says.
I keep my back to him, not wanting another glimpse at his impressive performance. I’d say about eighty percent of my brain believes this is all an act.
“But Charlotte,” he croaks, clearing his throat. “None of this changes the fact that I was wrong during all those years. And the woman you are now? I… admire her.”
My eyes widen in shock at the softness and sheer awe in his voice. Something in his words makes me want to hurl more venom at him, because what he said was downright insulting.
I spin on my heel, pinning him with a hardened gaze. “Really? A few days in and you admire this ‘new Charlotte’? Newsflash! I’m exactly the same girl—with some added spine for good measure. You won’t be able to drag this Charlotte out by herthroat… naked.” My voice breaks at the last word, memories rushing in.
But I forge on despite the massive flinch taking over his frame. I’m enjoying the cracked silence and the tormented lines on his face too much. “This Charlotte doesn’t need your benefit of doubt. Or a house, or a frickin’ trust fund. She sure as hell doesn’t need your admiration,” I spit out.
He squeezes his eyes shut and I know he’s realizing he’s losing this battle.
“You keep sayingsorrylike it’s something that will erase everything,” I continue with a ragged voice. “I’m sure Wolf’s letters are just a written version of what you keep spouting, but I. Don’t. Need this!”
He finally looks up, his face torn with so much guilt that I look away.
My chest heaves so rapidly it starts to hurt. So I take a few breaths to calm myself before the walls of the panic room start to close in on me. “You know,” I whisper shakily. “You know the difference between Mama Deb, Torch—and you both?”
I wait for him to answer even though I phrased it as a rhetorical question. A joke of difference because he still wouldn’t understand if I spelled it out, never mind actually knowing the answer.
