Page 34 of Thrall
She shrugged. “So I heard some goth kids talking about the show in class one day. I listened to enough to be sure it wasn’t bullshit. I picked up the phone. And here we are.”
There they were indeed. Lucy swallowed. “You said Jon attacked someone after he was bitten,” she said. “Do you think that’s what I’m going to do?”
“Trust me, I don’t want to believe that.” Mila’s laugh was dark as she shook her head. “You seem nice, okay? And you seem like you went through a lot to get here. I wish Icouldjust be your RA. But it was complete dumb luck that Jon didn’t take anyone with him when he died. And that means I cannot let my guard down with you. Ever.”
Lucy closed her eyes. For the first time since just before she’d seen Athena’s note on the radio flyer, all of this almost felt like too much to bear. Those thoughts that weren’t hers, the ones that told her to lie down and give up, surged at the edges of her mind. But those thoughts weren’t thoughts at all.Vanya, she thought, because having a possible name for him was better than having none. He was calling to her, even now.
“And if you like me,” she said, “it’s harder to kill me, right?”
“Hell,” Mila said, “you don’t even like your roommate, and you didn’t want to see her die, right? I’m sorry. But I have to—protect myself. I know it’s cowardly.”
“It’s not cowardly,” Lucy said. The small, hurt part of her from earlier in the evening didn’t want to reassure Mila. Wanted to let her sit with that guilt. Though that part of her was quickly fading. “But maybe you could do one thing for me.”
At Mila’s affirmative sound, Lucy tentatively opened her eyes. Mila’s eyebrows were raised, faintly confused, but she looked as patient and thoughtful as ever.
It didn’t make what Lucy wanted to ask less embarrassing, but she had the feeling nothing would. So she took a breath, and she blurted out, “I just need you to be nice to me.”
There was a pause, then a faint flicker of surprise across Mila’s face. Her easy smile returned, a little startled this time. “Have I not been nice? You’re sleeping in my bed. I let you touch my bow. I thought that was pretty nice.”
“You’ve beencordial.” Lucy swallowed her bubbling frustration. You could be cordial to anything. You could be cordial to a spider right before crushing it. She needed Mila to understand the distinction. “If you really have to kill me, I don’t want you to feel bad about it, either. Just—while I’m still alive, don’t treat me like I’m already dead.”
For the next few seconds, Lucy felt studied. “Is that what’s been bothering you all night?” Mila said.
Lucy laughed once. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m sensitive.”
Mila gave a little bob of a nod, as if to sayFair enough. “All right,” she said. “If it’ll help, I’ll be nicer. And if I start being…cordialto you again, you can tell me to knock it off.
“But,” she added, “in return…whatever I have to do? Don’t hold it against me.”
Lucy swallowed, and again, she felt the bullet-time motion of it all the way to her belly. She didn’t want to agree to it. Agreeing felt like tacit permission. It wasn’t as if she wanted Mila to feel guilty. It was just that she didn’t want to pretend that she was okay with dying, either.
But she’d let Whitney go earlier because she couldn’t accept something terrible happening. That was a mistake she couldn’t make again.
Lucy smiled. It didn’t even tremble that much. “Shake on it?”
Mila’s own smile was grim as she pushed herself across the floor. Her hand felt warm. Or maybe Lucy’s hand was colder than she realized.
“Deal,” Mila said.
TRANSCRIPT OF ROLLINS UNIVERSITY STUDENT RADIO STATION WVBS (“PALLAS RADIO”)
Broadcast number: 34
CALLER #2: I’m really only your second caller?
PALLAS (HOST): Not literally. But second legitimate caller. I don’t count the prank calls in my tally.
CALLER #2: Get a lot of those, huh? No offense, but you bring it on yourself with all those flyers.
PALLAS: All publicity is good publicity. Or so they tell me.
CALLER #2: I heard some kid the other day say that you have delusions of grandeur.
PALLAS: [laughter] Really? Wow. That might be the strongest review I’ve gotten so far.
CALLER #2: Yeah, well. Speaking of delusions. It seems like we share one.
PALLAS: That’s not very nice.
