Page 140 of Quiet Obsession
I know how to exist between my friends, knock out someone who pisses me off, and silence my feelings.
What I don’t know is how to feel them.
“Come on,” I say, flicking my cigarette to the ground and crushing it under my shoe. “I need to clean up.”
“We’re not done talking,” he says. “But maybe we should finish in my room. It’ll be safer when Hyde comes looking for you.”
“You think he knows I’m...” I trail off, unsure how to finish that sentence.Datingis not the right word, andfuckingdoesn’t fit what I’ve built in my head with Millie.
“I think you made it pretty clear.”
We head inside and ten minutes later, his room smells of antiseptic. The first aid kit is open on the table, gauze and disinfectant spread out for my benefit.
I sit on the edge of his armchair, forearms braced on my thighs, cleaning dried blood from my knuckles. I don’t normally need to focus so intently, but tonight, everything is better than thinking, so I repeat each step inside my head.
Pour, wipe, wrap, pour, wipe, wrap.
Too bad Noah’s not done with the psychoanalysis.
“I kept her close all night because I wanted you to focus on the fight,” he says, opening a beer.
He doesn’t offer me one. Asshole.
“I saw you watching her in that dress,” he continues. “And I knew you’d lose your shit if someone touched her. She and I are friends, Creed, nothing more.”
“She was holding on to you.”
“She was shaken,” he repeats, slower now, pushing the words past clenched teeth like he’s trying not to lose it. “We are not in competition. I shot my shot, and she didn’t want me. And it’s for the best. I liked her when she was quiet and shy. She’s not that anymore, she’s growing, healing, and the girl she’s becoming isn’t my type, Creed. End of fucking story.”
I drag a heavy hand down my face. I’m done with this conversation, but he isn’t. And he’s wrong.
“I’m not jealous, Noah. You backed off and I trust you, but that doesn’t change shit. She wantsyou.” I drop my gaze back to my split knuckles, unable to look him in the eye when I say, “She moaned your name in her sleep the other night.”
“Wow...” he huffs. “Okay, it’s decided, then.”
My eyes snap to him as he starts ranting.
“She’s been sneaking around with you for weeks, fucked you in every corner of the campus, cried over you twice, but yeah... she moaned my name, so I better go buy a ring.Jesus, do you fucking hear yourself, Creed?”
I gnash my teeth while he takes a long pull from his bottle, draining half before he slams it back on the coffee table.
“It was a dream. It doesn’t mean anything and you’regrasping at straws. What’s this really about?”
I don’t fucking know.
Nothing, something,everything.
“I don’t fit into her world,” I say. “She’s smart, and pretty, and she’s trying to put herself back together, and I...” I gesture at my split lip and bloody knuckles. “I’mthis... I’m my fucking father, Noah. How long before I hurt her?”
He huffs out a humorless laugh. “You’re nothing like your father. Stop making excuses and admit you’re falling for her and you’re fuckingscared.”
Of course I’m fucking scared.
She’s everything and I’m nothing much at all. What the hell can I give her? No matter what I do, who I become, how much I try, nothing can change the fact I already almost killed that girl.
Why the hell would she choose me?
“You always do this when shit matters,” Noah continues, staring at me for a long second. “You did it with Hyde. You did it with Dash and me. You push and pull, waiting for us to draw a line and leave you behind it. And you’re doing it again, but harder because Millie means more to you.”
