Page 87 of Love What's Left
I don’thave the same phone I had in college, but my photos were all backed up to the cloud along the way. Photos. Years. Scroll back. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight years.
Where is the month of May?
I stop scrolling when I reach it, open the entire month, and flip through the photos one at a time.
I stop on a selfie of me standing in front of our white porch railing in my cap and gown. And I remember what I wish I could forget all over again.
Clarissa had emergency surgery the week before graduation. We were all worried sick about her, but she was recovering. When her husband, James, took her back home to New York, Bronwyn followed to bring her flowers and check on her.
Bronwyn had plenty of time to make it back to Blackwater for my commencement. She had the schedule worked out.
The morning of the ceremony, I received a text.
Bronwyn: I am SO sorry! My brother“forgot” that he promised to fly me back. Gabriel woke up still wasted off his ass from last night. I want to MURDER him. I have to make other arrangements to get there
I stared at that text for a long time.
Me: Don’t . . .
My vision grew too blurry to type. I wiped my eyes with the heel of my hand and tried again.
Me: . . . worry about it. It’s not a big deal
Bronwyn: Yes it is. Put up the sign on the porch for me, okay? I might be a little late, but I’ll get there as fast as I can. I’m on my way
She’d only make it if she could find another flight from their private airport soon or if she got really lucky driving and didn’t hit rush-hour traffic or any construction zones on Interstate 80.
Me: Ishould probably skip it
Bronwyn: Please don’t. I’m coming. I’ll scream the loudest when they call your name
When it was time, I draped the banner on the porch railing. I took a selfie in front of it and made myself smile. I took the bus to campus in my cap and gown. I listened for Bronwyn and searched for a sparkly sign in the crowd.
When they called my name, I walked across the stage. I shook hands with the dean. Accepted my diploma to cheers and hoots from my teammates and fellow classmates who were also graduating.
Then it was over.
I walked past the other graduates as they hugged their parents and siblings. Then I kept walking, all the way back to the house where I lived on borrowed time.
When I got there, I checked my phone. A text from Bronwyn said an accident on the interstate had traffic in a standstill. She’d never been more sorry for anything in her life. When she made it back, we’d have cake.
I didn’t want cake.
I’d make myself take a couple bites with her, though, so she didn’t feel bad.Attitude of gratitude.
I took off and folded my cap and gown, then put them in a plastic grocery bag to donate to the Salvation Army.
And I hoped Gabriel McRae choked on his own vomit.
I place my phone on the table next to me and sit in the darkness with my knees drawn up to my chest and half sob, half laugh.
“Sydney?” Gabriel sits up in bed and clicks his lamp on. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you remember the day I graduated from college?”
He shakes his head slowly, his hair tousled and sexy, his face so tragically beautiful it hurts. “I learned what happened, eventually, but I don’t remember it. I was on a bender that week.”
“You say ‘what happened’ like it was an accident, instead of a choice.”
