Page 28 of Hunter's Hidden Camera
“There are a lot of things you don’t know,” she smirks. Then, with genuine concern, she asks, “Why are you here?”
“I banged my head on my nightstand, and I passed out a couple times, and I had to walk almost an hour to get here, and I’ve been waiting another hour.”
Patricia pats my shoulder. “Come with me.”
She leads me out of the waiting room, down a hallway, and into a patient room. She examines me carefully.
“Does your head hurt?” she asks.
“Not at all.”
“Well, the injury on your head doesn’t look all that bad. But I won’t rule out a concussion. I’ll arrange a CT scan for you. I wonder if the passing out is just a combination of the original injury and also something stress-related. Have you been stressed out lately?”
“Yeah. Very much.”
“That might be it then. Try to relax. Meditation, breathing exercises: they can help. Look someup on YouTube.”
Patricia re-dresses the wound on my head because the bandage wasn’t on properly.
“Thank you,” I say.
She opens the door. I hop off the patient bed.
“I’ve really missed you, Hunter,” Patricia says, a tinge of sadness in her voice.
“Hey,” I say, “I’ve always wondered: why did you stop babysitting me and Nash?”
Patricia’s eyes well up with tears.
I panic a bit. “Oh, hey, I’m sorry I asked that. I didn’t mean to ask that.”
“No, it’s okay.”
Patricia closes the door again. I sit back down on the bed. She takes a seat in the chair. We look at each other.
“I loved you and Nash so much. I really did. Still do.” She nods. “Babysitting you guys didn’t feel like a job at all. I always looked forward to coming over. It was nice to connect with family, especially since my own mother and father weren’t always the kindest people.”
She looks like she’s unsure whether she should continue. She thinks. She decides to go ahead. She braces herself. Then: “When I was twenty-four, I came out. Of the closet. I’m gay. This was back when you were like eight or nine years old. And word travels fast in our family. You know that. It got back to your parents real quick. And to them, that wasn’t the kind of news that was celebrated. It was the kind of news that worried people, that disgusted people, that scared people. And I don’tmean to talk bad about your parents or anything, but I was forbidden to set foot inside your house ever again. My parents weren’t any better. Kicked me out of the house. Didn’t speak to them for years. It was only the last couple years that we kind of reconnected at funerals. I mean, I’m never invited to weddings any more. But they can’t stop me from coming to a funeral. And even if my parents and most of the family don’t accept me, I’m going to show up to things. Because I refuse to be an invisible family member anymore. I’m as much a part of this family as anybody.”
Somber silence.
Then, Patricia asks, “What did your parents tell you happened to me?”
I shake my head. “They didn’t tell me anything. Only that you were too busy to babysit any more. And I was young. I was confused. I actually thought . . . No.”
“What?”
“It was so stupid, but I was just a kid. I actually thought that you didn’t like us any more. I thought you didn’t love us any more.”
Patricia is now crying quietly. I’m trying to hold back tears.
I continue: “And it was really hard because you were the only person in our entire family that showed me any kind of affection. I mean, you know my mom and dad and brother. We’re not a touchy-feely kind of family. We don’t say I love you to each other. We don’t hug. We don’t anything. You broughtso much warmth into my life. You made me see what a family was supposed to be. And then one day, you were gone.”
Patricia wraps her arms around me, and I cry into her shoulder.
“I’ve thought so much about you over the years, Hunter. I’ve been waiting for you to get out of high school and move out of the house, so that I could reconnect with you. I would’ve tried sooner, but I didn’t want to cause you any trouble, especially when you were still under your parents’ roof. I mean, the last couple of funerals, I tried to talk to you, but your parents would give me dirty looks to shoo me away. And I didn’t want to rock the boat. So I felt I had to leave you alone. Maybe I should’ve tried harder. Forgive me. Please forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t.”
