Page 96 of Empire of Stars 2
“Both works,” Jace agreed, then he looked down at their clasped hands. “Ah, you mean should we do this when we’re out in public?”
Khoth nodded. “You intend to have many different species onboard the Osiris. Some will not understand such a relationship between us. Others will judge it. Others might approve, but I believe that discipline could be affected because--”
“We can’t have one rule for us and another for everybody else?” Jace filled in.
“Yes.”
Jace sighed, but then nodded. “You’re right. We should keep it strictly professional outside of private areas.”
Khoth was surprised that Jace was so agreeable to this. He said as much, “I thought you would not agree as humans are…”
“Ruled by their Xis?” Jace grinned again.
Another nod. “And you are a far more physically affectionate species than Thaf’ell.”
“I think you’re plenty affectionate,” Jace contradicted.
“Indeed, in private with our loved ones we are very affectionate… for Thaf’ell,” he qualified.
He wasn’t sure exactly what the sliding scale of affection was between humans and Thaf’ell. He hoped that his discussion with Thammah led to their friendship being restored if only for the selfish reason that he could ask her about this and much more.
“My parents worked together most of their professional careers and also my mom was my dad’s boss for many of those,” Jace said. “So this isn’t weird to me to divide things like this.”
“Your parents work quite well together from my observations,” Khoth noted.
“Yeah, they do. They respect each other tons and love each other even more,” Jace said and a small, fond smile appeared on his lips. “I am sorry to part them. But I think my dad is going to be way too involved in his other love--flying--to mind too much. And Mom has to represent humanity so… yeah, they’ll both be busy.”
The lift doors whooshed open and the hallway to Jace and his quarters was straight ahead of them. Jace released both of Khoth’s hands and made to step out ahead of Khoth. Khoth felt like something had been ripped from him. A limb. An organ. Something essential. He immediately reached for Jace’s nearest hand and linked their fingers together. The moment their skin touched that terrible feeling of losing something eased. He was shocked by how his heart was thudding loudly in his chest. Jace’s eyes widened, but didn’t draw away. He knew that Jace wouldn’t. If he needed the young man, Jace would be there even if it caused people to think them unprofessional or worse.
Jace said, “I thought we were going to keep it professional outside of--”
“No one else is here yet,” Khoth found himself rushing out. “And I…” His head felt light again, freed of the selchilite, freed of any connections whatsoever.
“It’s okay, Khoth. You’re right. No one is here and--”
“I do not want to be a detriment to you,” Khoth said.
Jace blinked. “What? You’re not--”
“What we discussed in the elevator is wise. But I…”
Jace seemed to read more into what he felt than his inadequate words were getting across. He reached up and drew the back of his free hand down Khoth’s cheek.
“We’re alone. The Osiris is all ours. No one will disturb us,” Jace promised him. “You don’t have to control yourself. You don’t have to be strong here. You can be whatever you need to be.”
Khoth leaned down and rested his head against Jace’s forehead. His breathing was ragged. His heart was beating as fast as if he had been running. He felt ragged.
“I know I did the right thing,” Khoth whispered, “and I could not be happier than being here with you.”
“But?”
Khoth swallowed. There was no judgment or disappointment in Jace’s expression.
“So why does it hurt so much?” Khoth asked and felt his eyes burn with tears.
Jace’s arms wrapped around him and the young man held him tight. “Because you love your mom and your dad and your people. I’m sure you loved your life, too.”
“Not like this. This feels right.”
“Change is hard, because there’s loss as well as gain,” Jace said as he stroked a hand down Khoth’s back, which was trembling. “Let yourself experience both, Khoth. Only then will you be able to go forward.”
Khoth’s eyes shut tightly. Tears slid down his cheeks. He held onto Jace. Jace held onto him.
And he let go.
