Page 54 of The Verdant Cage
“Nope.” I don’t know why I keep lying. I smooth the front of my pajamas. “I’m going to make breakfast.” I grab my day clothes from where they’re draped over the end of the bed. I can either dress here or go all the way down to the bathroom, which means possibly walking past Jarek in my pj’s. “Turn around.”
“We all swam in the creek yesterday,” he says matter-of-factly. “You can’t think that your wet underclothes left much to the imagination.”
“Stop!” I cover my ears.
He’s making a strange noise, and it takes me a moment to realize he’s chuckling. “For an Apothecary, you sure are shy about the human body,” he says.
“You sound like your mother.” I can feel myself scowling.
“There are worse things. Sounding like my father, for example.” He hops to his feet and walks to his dresser. He selects a clean tunic to put on, his back to me. Despite my own shyness, I can’t tear my eyes away from the ripple of muscle beneath skin as he raises his arms overhead. It’s when he begins to fold up his makeshift bed that I decide I’m being silly. I face the opposite wall and begin to remove my pajamas.
“Rose, stop!” he yelps.
I turn.
Gryphon appears pained, his expression a complete one-eighty from the teasing he’d just displayed. “Rose,” he says, studying me. “Do you even know what you want?”
“Excuse me?” I glance around the room. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but it feels like an insult.
He drags a hand down his face, sighing. “You were an Apothecary because you were born to it. You’re amazing at it, don’t get me wrong, but you never would have discovered that if not for a luck of birth. You were going to marry Nikola because you were assigned to him.” His voice lowers. “Now me for the same reason. And you’re about to change in front of me right now because I joked that you were too shy not to do it. Do you ever stop to ask whatyoucare about?”
The question’s pointedness is unnerving. I scramble for a truth I believe in. “I used to care for you, when we were children.”
“Why?”
I think of the secret hopes and dreams and plans and fears we shared, the way he listened to me and brought out the best in me. “Because you were so easy to be with. I felt…whole when we were together.”
“But you never told me.” His tone is not unkind.
I throw up my hands, exasperated. “You’re the one who stopped talking tome.”
He tips his head in concession.Fair enough, I know he means. I should quit while I’m ahead, but old programming dies hard. “And I had no choice in the rest. It’s how the Valley works.”
He shakes his head. “But did you get upset? Rail against it?”
I think of the pledge on instinct, trailing off in my mind.Protect the system and it shields us all, follow the rules so…I’ve been stuffing down my true feelings for a while. With Jonas gone, forced to live in this house with people I can’t trust, I haven’t got the strength to keep the lid on it any longer.
“Losing my dad devastated me,” I admit, holding his gaze. “I wish I’d questioned things then, but I didn’t. I thought following the rules would keep the rest of my family safe.” My voice cracks at how wrong I was. “But not anymore, Gryphon. I’m done going quietly. I’m ready to fight for what I believe in.” My chest feels tight, and I’m breathing heavy. I don’t understand why I’m so worked up. He isn’t trying to hurt me.
He studies me quietly, a terribly sad expression on his beautiful face. “As your husband, I will stand by your side, even if you didn’t choose me.” And then he brushes past me, the scent of pine lingering in the air. “Make sure you eat today,” he says as he passes. “You work too hard and skip far too many meals.”
Then he closes the door behind himself.
It takes all my will not to run after him and confess that I’m going to look for Jonas. While it’s nice to imagine that Gryphon might help me escape, he’d more likely try to talk me out of it. I couldn’t fault him if he did, but the only thing more unthinkable than going after my twin isnotgoing, wondering every day if I’d let him die a slow and painful death.
It’s several moments before I collect myself, drawing in deep breaths as I stare at the wardrobe. I’m reminded of the papers Gryphon stuffed so quickly back into it last night. It’s none of my business what they were, but curiosity is a better companion than fear. I hurry to the cupboard. Reach under the blankets and pillow. Pull out a sheaf of papers.
Charcoal drawings. Good ones, of trees and the Wall and farm animals. And a handful are of a girl who looks like me, except the sun is always shining on her.
My heart tugs, and I sigh. Life was easier a few days ago, when I had nothing but an enemy to leave behind.
33
When I reach the kitchen, I find only Jarek.
“Within the Wall,” I intone, tipping my head in a gesture of respect I hope will get us off on the right foot today. “Will Misia and Gryphon be joining us for breakfast?” I walk to the wood stove to light it.
“You didn’t ask your betrothed while you were in his arms this morning?” Jarek asks, but his voice lacks its usual bite. He looks even more exhausted today than the night before.
