Page 21 of Stirring Attraction (Second Shot 2)
“I don’t think Ted deserves panties like those,” he growled.
“And you do?” she asked coyly.
“Probably not.”
“If I let go with my right hand, my dress will probably rise up higher. Maybe to my waist.”
“It might.” He lifted his gaze to her face. Her blue eyes shone with daring, but also a hint of desperation. Was that why she was sitting there, teasing him? Was she trying to stave off emotions she’d rather not feel? Trying to keep him here just so she wouldn’t be alone?
“Don’t do it,” he added. “Not now. Not tonight.”
The red-tipped fingers holding her dress up at her hip let go and the fabric slipped back into place. He watched it trail over her thighs, leaving him so damn jealous of her fucking clothes. He wanted to touch her. But that was nothing new. He’d spent years waking up in foreign countries and dreaming about her soft skin against his.
He reached for his coffee and tried to find the right words.
I want to fuck you on your coffee table.
While that had a ring of truth to it, he couldn’t put that out there. Not when he knew she needed a helluva lot more than a quickie in her living room. Sure, they could both lose themselves in the pleasure for a while. He’d dreamed about doing just that, finding some random chick for a night, to ease the pain as he came to terms with his future and his fears.
But he refused to be Lily’s escape. Not when he could be her way through this mess.
“Tell me how you feel, Lily.”
“Like someone just stole away my chance for an orgasm tonight,” she said.
“Look at me.” He waited for her eyes to meet his. Her lips parted as she obeyed. And he studied her expression. But dammit, he couldn’t pinpoint what drove her to offer a view of her underwear, to let him in, to wake up and try to get through the day. He could guess, but . . .
Once upon a time, before the sharp edge of reality stripped away the fairy tale, he’d been able to read her. He’d soothed her sadness. He’d held her while she wept after her mother’s diagnosis. But now?
“Talk to me,” he said. “You used to tell me everything. About your mom. Your dad . . .”
Her eyes narrowed. “I did. You’re the only one who knew what it cost me to watch my mother suffer and know there was nothing I could do to save her. You know how hard it was to see my dad slip deeper and deeper into addiction. I turned to you when I realized I couldn’t save him. I shared everything I was feeling. And the
n you walked away, taking pieces of me with you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. And damn, he hoped she could see the truth in his face, because the words felt inadequate. Apologies didn’t fix the past. He couldn’t make amends with words.
“I hated you for a while.” She glanced down at her hands clasped tight in her lap. “But it doesn’t feel good to hold a grudge against the man who left to hunt down terrorists. It’s like wishing rainstorms on the people standing on the shores to welcome the refugees.”
“You have every right to hate me for not coming home after they released me from the hospital.”
“True.” She looked up, but didn’t return her gaze to his face. She stared out the sliding doors and into the night. “But I’m starting to realize . . . fear isn’t easy. It’s not something you can set aside at bedtime. I wish I could most nights.”
“I wasn’t afraid,” he said. “I was stupid.”
Now, she turned to face him and raised an eyebrow.
“OK, maybe a bit of both,” he admitted. “To tell you the truth, I’m still scared.”
“Of the dark?” she asked in a tone that called BS to his claim.
“No, honey. I don’t mind the dark.” It was his turn to look away. He hadn’t shared his feelings with anyone in a long time. The military shrink he’d tried to convince that he was fine and ready to serve again—that guy didn’t count.
“I’m afraid I’ll never be of much use to anyone,” he continued. Why hide the truth from her? She deserved to know why he couldn’t stay here staring at the pieces of his previous life. “I feel too damn broken. I thought I knew what my future held. I walked away from this place, from you, determined to make that sacrifice matter. And to suddenly be out of the game? I feel like a fucking failure, Lil. And I don’t think that will change if I stay here.”
He waited for her to envelop him in a hug and shower him with comforting words. And hell, if Lily shoveled on the pity now . . . it sure as shit would erase the last trace of his desire.
“Well, I’m scared of the dark,” she said as if he hadn’t just poured out his heart and soul. “I’m afraid to close my eyes. Even when I’m in the shower, I’m terrified to wash my hair because I’ll have to close my eyes for a split second. And that’s all it takes. He could get into my house and . . . I know he’s out there. It wasn’t a random attack.”
