Page 34 of Salt in the Seas
Fernandus tilted his head, squinting one eye at Gaeren in consideration. “You’ve always been a wanderer. I can’t imagine they’ll be surprised if you resist that.”
“It might not surprise them, but it will upset them.”
Fernandus’ lips tilted up. “Well, yes, that’s true. But I suspect after all they’ve been through, they’ll leave the decision up to Enla. Whenyou have the itch to leave again, she’s the one you’ll need to worry about.”
Gaeren sat back on his heels and glanced toward the door, imagining his sister rising from bed and preparing for a long day of meetings. After catching up yesterday, she knew his plans, but she was hoping the sight of his parents would change his mind, that their weaknesses would move him to take his place as throne warden and settle in. She might be harder to convince than his parents, and yet she’d continued to encourage him to break his bond. He couldn’t understand it.
“You performed my bonding ceremony, right?” Gaeren asked.
Fernandus smiled, his eyes taking on a faraway look. “Yes, you and Lenda were just babes in your mothers’ arms. Oh, how you cried when I pricked your palm. Enla came over and shushed you.” The smile fell away from his face. “She took to mothering you at a very young age.”
His unspoken words made Gaeren squirm. The closest the queen had come to mothering him was to send him out to sea because she thought he was too soft for the horrors of court. As Enla took on more responsibilities, she continued the tradition, more to protect him from their parents—who clearly favored her—than to manipulate him. Regardless of motive, his time at sea had left him naive and vulnerable to influence by the Recreants, things that Enla likely saw as flaws, but he saw as bonuses.
Now that he was practically a Recreant himself, she could never fully win him back, even if she could never completely lose his love and loyalty as a sibling. He shook away the thoughts. He wasn’t here to ask Fernandus about politics.
“Did anything go wrong during the bonding ceremony?” he asked.
Fernandus’ brow furrowed. “Wrong? Not that I can remember. Why?”
Gaeren flipped his hand over and rubbed the mark on his palm. “I don’t feel like our bond took the same way others do.”
Fernandus hummed his understanding. “Bonding at such a young age is a tricky thing. It’s far less about love and far more about protection. You may not be in love with her, but you desire to protect her.”
“I’m not sure she’s ever been in danger enough for me to feel thatpull. She’s a destructive somatic. She can take care of herself, and she usually does.”
Fernandus smiled. “I think if she were in danger, you would find the pull is there, but that’s not something we truly need to test. I imagine Enla and Croft’s quick wedding has prompted this discussion. Are you hesitant to seal the bond with marriage?”
Gaeren paused. It would be easy to agree to that and move on, but he wanted answers. “Actually,” he admitted, “Enla has encouraged me to break my bond.”
Fernandus’ smile faded. “Why would she do that?”
Gaeren shrugged. “I don’t understand it. She wants me to stay and settle down as throne warden, yet she wants me to be free of commitments like Lenda. Sometimes I wonder if her visions of the future are so muddled that she can’t give me good advice.”
Fernandus sighed. “I do wish that she would spend less time sifting the future, but that is between her and her mentors.”
“Is it a sin to break my bond?” The directness of his own question made Gaeren realize he was truly considering it. His stomach churned with the realization that he was thinking about doing the very thing he’d despised for the last few years. But so much had changed. He had changed.
Fernandus hummed again, clasping his hands in his lap. “I’ve done hundreds of bonding ceremonies and sealed many more in marriage. A bond is a sacred thing that should not be taken lightly. Most of the time when a bond is broken, it is done because of lust or retaliation or anger. In those instances, yes, I would say it’s a sin. Is it possible for a bond to be broken for good reason? Maybe.”
Gaeren frowned at the evasive answer. “What about when my parents forced Riveran and Enla to break their bond? Was that a sin?”
Fernandus closed his eyes tight, the wrinkles deepening and making Gaeren wonder if he was in pain.
“I have always regretted my role in that,” Fernandus murmured. “I feel as if I gave your parents permission to do something that was not in Enla’s or Riveran’s best interest. But Enla was in favor of it for the sake of the nation, and I saw the benefits they spoke of. I do not envy the decision they had to make, and I fear my acceptance of their potentialsolution was seen as permission. Which is why I hesitate to give you an answer now with the certainty you seek.”
Gaeren sighed. “I suppose I am looking for permission. But unlike Enla, I’m not sure if it’s what I want. Mostly because I know I’ll feel guilty.”
“Breaking a marriage bond is different from breaking other bonds,” Fernandus said slowly. “And while yours was intended for marriage, it hasn’t yet happened. In this case, I feel like so much relies on the intention behind your action. We tend to look to the outcome of our choice to determine if it’s right or wrong. But oftentimes there are two right choices or two wrong choices, and we should be looking at whether or not our actions reflect the Sun regardless of the outcome.”
Gaeren frowned, trying to parse out the priest’s meaning.
“Is it what Lenda wants?” Fernandus asked.
“I guess I should ask her. Enla makes it sound like Lenda wants it but that I should do it so she’s not seen as a traitor.”
“Well, then, I suggest you make time to speak with Lenda as well as your parents before you head east.”
Gaeren started. “I never said I was leaving.”
